'100 letters' - phan

3

—dan howell

looks up at the boring grey sky, sighing.

it's been weeks and dan still can't stop thinking about phil. how could he do that? after years of being together he just leaves.

dan's been sad. really sad. but mostly he's felt betrayed by his best and only friend.

he found another green envelope hidden in his closet last week but he doesn't think he can read it.

not now. not yet.

dan steps out into the now falling rain, getting small drops of water in his messy curly hair. his loose, yellow sweatshirt (formerly phil's) used to keep him warm in light rainy weather like this. but that was when phil was here.

now dan is always cold. it might be from the lack of food and sleep but he blames phil entirely. 

dan's head aches at the loudness of outside. everything around him just won't shut up.

the london streets are never quiet, from obnoxious busses to the footsteps of people lost in their own problems and the empty white noise at night.

the time was 2:00pm and dan was going to get coffee. he's been trying to find small things to distract him from his thoughts—specifically, phil lester.

there was one place that he's been going to for the past 3 weeks that has a lot of friendly people and more importantly, great coffee. it's a library with a small cafe inside.

dan walks off of the red bus he had previously been riding and into the brick building. the door rings as he enters, a blonde haired barista smiles at him.

"dan! i was wondering if you were coming back and," she flails her hands excitedly, smiling. "you're here! looking amazing as always."

"louise, leave him alone. he probably came to relax." a woman named jenna smiles cooly at dan, her blue eyes reminding him of phil.

"right," louise fixes her pink-blonde hair and adjusts her apron.

"do you want the usual or something special?"

"i'll have the usual but with vodka." dan laughs, only half joking.

"and sprinkles?" louise grabs a light yellow mug with painted white daisies.

"of course." dan smiles, laughing softly as he sits down and pulls out his phone.

louise makes dan a caramel macchiato, asking him if he actually wanted vodka. dan nods. she adds a shot of vodka, whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. it's a questionable combination but really it was the best in england.

"are you feeling better, dan?" jenna finishes sweeping under one of the cafe tables and puts the groom away. "yesterday you said you were feeling a bit anxious."

dan takes a sip of the warm beverage and smiles up at her.

"oh yeah, thank you, i'm feeling fine now. i just needed more coffee most likely." dan laughs softly and louise and jenna smile.

there's silence for a few minutes after that. not awkward silence but the kind that relaxes you. soft music plays in the background as jenna sorts the plants in the windowsill and louise washes a few dishes, humming quietly. dan scrolls through his tumblr and twitter, sipping on his warm drink every now and then.

"is it only you two working today?" he breaks the silence and looks up at louise.

"yeah, dorothy—i mean—dodie called in sick."

"aw, can you tell her i said hi?" dan smiles sympathetically.

"will do." louise imitates a salute and smiles as she goes into the back room, coming back with a can of ribena.

dan stares at the drink, thinking about phil immediately after seeing the name. they used to split ribena together, two straws and one cup. just like in those cheesy romance movies, but they have to get the ideas from somewhere.

dan's skin crawls with goosebumps and becomes cold at the thought of phil.

why did he have to go?

(i hope you like this!! follow my instagram+twitter maybe?? insta: @ phanof & @fandomtoaster twitter: @ amezingphli)