'100 letters' - phan

6

(longer chapter, trying to improve my writing style :))

—phil lester

squints his eyes as he looks up into the grey-white void of the raining sky, his arms shivering from inside his heavy black coat. it's been months since he last spoke to the one person who could make his world seem full of life and colourful.

his bright yellow rain boots step through the melancholic puddles of the dimly lit alleyway, making a disappointing slapping sound as they hit the ground. he's been exploring new places in london, trying to avoid and forget the memories he and dan shared with each step. he runs his weak fingers along the wet, graffitied brick wall. he feels so numb without happiness,

he feels so numb without dan.

phil steps out of the dark alley and into the faded sunlight. the sound of loud busses is no longer blocked out by the large brick walls.

he sighs and sits at the empty bus stop, pulling out a half empty pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

he puts it in his mouth and raises the lighter to the end of it, watching as the white paper turns to a burning black. his pale lips close around the cigarette and he inhales, feeling the warmth and calm as it goes down his theist and fills his lungs. he exhales in a cloud of smoke and temporary contentment.

this wasn't what he had in mind when he left dan. he thought that by leaving, he was sparing both of them.

he looks at the old street around him. there are a few places that seem to be open but most of the area is abandoned. he's only been to this part of town once, but to him, that's a good thing. less people will know or recognize him.

phil reaches in his pocket, seeing that he has enough money for dinner. he sold his car a while ago, but it wasn't worth much. he spent the money on a new coat, rain boots, an optometrist appointment and cigarettes. he only has a few pounds left for food, which, when you're homeless, broke and depressed, becomes less of an issue.

he pulls his hand out of his pocket. he has €15, an empty marlboro box and a metallic green envelope.

he frowns.

this is the third letter he's written to dan.

he was only planning on writing one.

phil stands up, putting out his cigarette and stuffing everything back into his pockets except for the envelope.

he stares at the envelope, the words "i miss you dan" sloppily written in pen across the front.

he has to put this where dan will find it.

he walks down the sidewalk, looking into each of the few open businesses. one looks like a restaurant of some kind, another is a boring office and the last one–

a movie theater.

there's a sign taped to the door reading

"now playing in 3D!: avatar"

phils expression changes to a small smile as he opens the door, walking inside and talking to the man selling tickets.

they shake hands, phil looks at the poster for the movie and his eyes start to water, remembering something.

"oh my god phil!" dan punches phil's arm.

"ow-" phil giggles, still staring at the tv screen

"we have to go see that when it comes out, pllllleeeaaasee....." dan jumps up and down on the grey couch, smiling as he looks lovingly at his best friend.

"okay but it has to be at a cheap place, we've nearly spend all of my money on chinese takeaway." phil smiles and looks at dan

staring into dan's dark brown eyes is like reading a book or walking through a forest, there's so much going on for what seem like such simple things, so much emotion and so many stories.

phil misses holding his warm hands.

he misses running his fingers through the soft brown curls on his head.

he misses laying next to him, talking about absolutely anything and being taken seriously.

he misses being wanted and loved by someone.

phil misses him so much.

(hi i'm sad. sorry if this sucks, i haven't had any inspiration because tøp won't come back, dan and phil aren't doing anything phanfic-worthy and i finished watching all of the good animes)