a life interrupted

Chapter 8

The next morning, Addison woke up and found herself on the couch. She went upstairs and laid next to Derek, staring at him, anxiously waiting the next 6 minutes before his alarm started chirping. She knew she had to tell him the truth, but, god, was she scared to. 

As Derek's 6 a.m. alarm woke him up, he found his wife laying beside him. "good morning, beautiful", he said. "how did you sleep?"

"pretty good, for a change. Im sorry i fell asleep before you got in"

"its okay, it was late. You were tired, it was your first day back. We can talk when we're both showered and had some coffee"

"can we hold off on the shower and just get some coffee while we talk? its kind of important, i just want to get it over with", she looked down at her wedding ring, nervous about her husbands reaction.

"Yeah... okay, sure. Come on", Derek said. 

"i'll be down in a minute", Addison replied with a fake smile. 

Addison made her way downstairs and sat at the kitchen table. Derek brought over two cups of coffee for each of them. "whats going on?", Derek asked.

Addie hesitated for what felt like forever, the words felt like an avalanche rushing down her throat. "i, uh, im pregnant.", she paused, "im.. 6 weeks". 

Derek sat in silence. "so what are you thinking?" 

"what do you mean?", Addison asked. 

"Did you want to keep it, or...?"

"i dont know, Derek. Im still trying to process this myself. I cant even think about something like that right now. Is that all you have to say?"

"What am i supposed to say? You want my honesty? I dont think you should keep it. You cant guarantee that you will ever bond with it'

"Thanks, Derek. Very helpful.", Addison storms off to get ready for work. Derek stays behind and throws a glass at the wall once his wife was out of sight. 

Upstairs, Addison went and got in the shower. While she stood, washing her red locks, she started crying. She hated everything about herself and her life at this point, and she was so lost on what to do. "What if it looks like him?", She thought. Every idea about this baby had her nervous, scared and angry all at the same time. She was in fear of her secret getting out once she started showing. After thinking long, but not so hard, Addie decided that she didnt want to keep it. She continued to think all day about this decision, but also shoved it into the back of her mind every time it came back around. 

Amelia  walked upstairs to Addison's room, asking if she wanted to carpool to work. Addison respectfully declined, saying she was going to drive herself, she had a stop to make. 

To avoid anyone in the hospital knowing, she made her way to the closest and most reliable OB clinic in the area. She found herself making an appointment to further discuss her options, and most likely set a date to terminate. She left the office inconsolable. How did a once so perfect life get flipped upside down, so badly and so quick? She hadnt had sex with her own husband in over a month. She felt too dirty and pathetic to be touched, not like she could stand it without flashbacks anyway. 

When would this awful suffering end?