Evanescent

Chapter 4

Jungkook hears the front door open and then close and a low murmur of voices. Namjoon must have invited someone over.

He throws his arms out, spread out on the bed like a starfish and groans for no particular reason. Except that, he's hungry. And his throat feels like the Sahara Desert. And his body aches. Oh, and he feels gross. He can smell the vomit on him and it makes him gag.

Christ, he really needed a shower...

He doesn't even remember why he's there. Namjoon said he should shout for him if he needed something but he doesn't want to disturb him when he might be with a friend and come off as a big baby. Grunting with effort, he sits up on the bed, the sheets sliding down his body, and looks around. He's in Namjoon's room. He's sure of that due to the number of yellow Ryan plushies and Kaws figurines lying around. Jungkook often wonders if Namjoon really is twenty four or just a victim of some disease which caused his body to grow but his mental age to remain as that of a seven year old.

Jungkook giggles to himself, sliding off the bed and slipping on the shoes even though his body hurts with every move. He looks around the room once more, patting his pockets to check if he has everything. He grabs his phone and wallet from the bedside table. Putting on his jacket, he feels around for his keys as he walks to the door and pulls it open, running his fingers through his hair and ruffling it up a little. He closes the door behind him, the car keys in his hand and softly pads down the hallway, his bare feet making no noise.

"...worried about him too."

He stops once he hears a familiar voice, which is not Namjoon's. Jin. He staggers a little in the entrance of the living room, eyes unfocused as the events of last night hit him suddenly. He feels like he's been hit with a baseball bat in his gut as images flash by his eyes.

Drinking. Running out of a bar. Jin. Running. Falling. Namjoon... Oh god, Namjoon...

He stretches his arm out to balance himself and instead knocks down a steel vase, following it soon after. The two male look up at the sound of the metal hitting the floor followed by Jungkook's screech. Jin immediately shoots up, his eyes wide with worry, and sprints to Jungkook, grabbing his arm and helping him sit up.

"Kookie? What are you doing here?" Namjoon questions from behind Jin. He bends down, picking the vase up and setting it down on the table before helping Jin.

The two boys help Jungkook to his feet. The younger boy wobbles up, the events of last night flashing before his eyes.

"Guys, I'm fine..." He tries to pry his limbs away as the two elder boys drag him to the couch.

"Yes, Kookie." Jin sighs and Jungkook can literally feel him roll his eyes.

The two of them make him sit before settling down on either side of him. They let go of his arms and he feels Namjoon shift slightly.

"Kookie, we-"

"Jungkookie-"

Jin and Namjoon begin together, making him chuckle.

"Guys, it's okay. I'm fine." He starts to rise from the couch but Jin grabs his shoulder, keeping him in place. He turns to look at the elder, a confused frown on his face. What the hell?

"Jungkook, stop pretending. Stop pretending, okay?" Jin's soft voice holds so much concern that it almost succeeds in making Jungkook's exterior crack. Almost.

The younger boy laughs softly, looking at the boys on either side of him.

"My dudes, what's up with you both?" He wiggles out from under Jin's grasp but Namjoon is quick to stop him with a stern glare.

"No. Stay right here, bunny."

And Namjoon's gruff voice holds as much irritation as the concern in Jin's. Jungkook gulps before settling down again, his shoulders sagging and his head hanging low.

"Alright. I'm listening." He sighs, his lips set in pout as he plays with his long finger, there but not really.

Jin lets out a colossal sigh before beginning to speak.

"Kookie, we know that you're scared. But please... you don't have to be. We- we won't let anyone hurt you now. There's nothing you have to be scared of." Jin's voice cracks and Namjoon reaches around Jungkook to give his shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

Go on, he mouths as Jin leans back to look at him.

"I know it's difficult for you to let go, Kookie. We understand that whatever happened can't just be forgotten that easily and honestly, it's okay. It's okay if you want to take your time..." He reaches forward and takes Jungkook's now cold and trembling hand in his, urging the younger boy to look at him but not succeeding.

"We just can't see you hurting anymore." Namjoon's voice is soft, the annoyance and domination from before completely gone. "We love you. Please just... love yourself too."

And he cries. Jungkook feels as if a barrier just broke as tears rush down his face and he lets out a sob. He cries because he knows he doesn't love himself anymore. He knows it. He cries not because he feels guilty for wasting his life when he has so much potential. He cries because he does not feel guilty and that scares him. It scares him when he realises just how far he's gone and just how much he doesn't care. Namjoon is hugging him, running his fingers through his hair as he whispers soft 'it's okay's and 'you're fine's to him. The younger clutches onto him, body desperate for some comfort but at the same time, his mind yearns to get away. Jin rises from his seat and Jungkook feels him walk away and he seizes the opportunity to swiftly detach himself from Namjoon and get to his feet, harshly wiping away his tears.

"Jungkook-" Namjoon's voice is hoarse as he calls out, surprised by the sudden mood swing of the younger.

But he's already sprinting to the door, blinking away the tears. His feet carry him out of the apartment, ignoring Namjoon's worried questions and Jin's confused yells.

He just wants to go home. Home, if that even exists.

Jin watches the younger slam the door slam the door behind him and he yells at him to ask what's wrong, although he knows that it's no use now. He finds Namjoon on the couch, with his head in his hands and his body trembling with silent sobs. Jin's heart breaks.

He abandons the glass of water on the kitchen counter and walks over to the silver-haired boy.

"It's not your fault, Namjoon..." Jin mumbles as he wraps his arms around the shaking figure, bringing him closer.

"I know... it's just... I know he's hurting but there's nothing I can do." He sobs, squeezing his eyes shut, his grip on Jin's shirt tightening and he wonders if it'll rip if he tightens his grip some more.

"Namjoon-ah, there's nothing any of us can do. He doesn't want to accept the fact that he needs help and there's nothing we can do. Not until he lets us."

The two boys don't follow after the younger. They know he's headed for his sanctuary.