go heterosexuality - ryden kik

real life;4

"damn happy one hour anniversary, rolo"

"jesus christ"

"and one second, two, thr-"

"I'm starting to regret th-"

"were you expecting anyone?"

"uh—no?" i walk to the door

"who.."

"asshole."

"son."

"asshole."

"thats now how you treat your father"

"walking out in the middle of my lowest fucking moment in my life isn't how you treat your only son."

"george"

"that isn't my fucking name! how many times did i tell you!"

"i thought you would grow out of it"

"grow out of what? anxiety? fucking depression?"

"george"

"THAT ISNT MY FUCKING NAME"

"ryan. I'm sorry."

"i almost died."

"i kn-"

"YOU LEFT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WAS A FUCK UP."

"i didn-"

"i was in the hospital."

"i kno-"

"you didnt do shit. oops, my fucking son is dying?"

"ryan thats not what it w-"

"maybe if the world knew how much of  self centered asshole you are, you wouldn't be bringing in thousands of dollars. nothing can repay how you treated me. what you said, what you did. and what you drove myself do to"

"ryan.."

"i was thirteen. how could let  A FUCKING THIRTEEN YEAR OLD ALONE TO KILL THEMSELF?"

i hear brendon silently out of sight, was he crying?

"ryan.."

"don't fucking pull that 'ryan.. i feel so bad..'"

" i do."

"bullshit"

"who else is in there?"

"does it matter?"

"yes, is it a girl"

"jesus christ, I'm done here."

"iT IS!"

" it isn't, actually. you still think I'm straight? pathetic." 

"you a-" 

"i came out when i was in sixth grade as gay, but you don't remember?"

"it was part of the phase."

"I'm going to need you to leave now."

"fine, ill see you around"

"maybe you can stop me from killing myself then" i shut the door 

"ryan."

"hm?"

he hugs me.

"i love you."

"i love you too. I'm sorry you had to hear me yell at him like that."

"i get why you hate him now"

"brendon." he releases from the hug "you're one of the only people who knows, okay? i trust you a lot. not that you would, but don't go screaming about it."

"of course,"

"but you should get a little back story first. 

when was younger i lived with george cause mum was always on work trips. he treated me like i was an assistant, i guess. it fucking was terrible. he would force me round to do things that 9-13 year olds shouldn't be doing. mum didnt know, i was getting depressed and anxious. and i tried ending it when i was 13. he kinda just kicked me around when he saw me laying there, 'oh george isn't waking! maybe i should call 911.." and he did, and, i lived. mum came back for me and dad ran away, mum called divorce, and mum was there almost all the time until i was 16 and i said i was good and she can go back on business trips. anxiety never went away, panic disorders, major depression, still got em'. but I've been doing better since I've met you. i almost ended again earlier this year cause i was sick of fake love from everyone but my mum. yes, kate was there and my cousin but that was different. i was so miserable when i met you. and then we talked. and then i didnt hate myself as much, that emptiness was filled by a 15 year old boy named brendon urie. you asked if i wrote songs. i do. all of them are depressing or about you i think."

"im glad you didnt die"

"im glad i didnt either"