He Has a Brother!?

Chapter 9

WARNING! There is mentions of abortions and a abortion being given to a machine! Don't like or are sensitive to subject! You don't have to read! You have been warned!
Anonymous's POV
'Holy Shit! It smells like shit up here!' I thought as I made my way up Mr. Slave's ass to find and Abort the Snuke with only my bag full of potions, my swords, My Skills, and knowledge. I wasn't walking for even a minute until I ran into a...Frog..Spirit...thing? "New Kid, you must find a way out of this place or you will surely die. The way behind you is blocked by the large sphincter. Make haste to the large intestine! All will be made clear to you then!" The Frog said before disappearing only for someone to start singing. I groaned before making my way to some weird white stuff. 'Eww! What is that?' I thought before poking it with my sword only for it to fall to the ground, making me almost sick to my stomach. I continued to cut white sticky stuff down before finding a...blue balloon? Near the opening of it was more of that white stuff. I climbed into the blue balloon, only to see more white stuff handing from the the roof of it. "Why the hell is a balloon up here? And why the hell is this shit so sticky?!" I yelped as I fell onto my butt. "Why the hell is this balloon so slippery?" I asked myself as I sliced through the tip of the balloon and fought some weird green goo. I had to climb something that I'm guessing is corn. "Do people normally shove stuff like this up their butts or is that only for men?" I asked myself as I continued toward a snuke with electricity sparking out of it. I dug into my bag and pulled out a water bottle before spraying the water causing the snuke to malfunction. After a while of fighting more green stuff and knocking more white stuff down, I was able to climb a...Hat puppet? The hat apparently friended me on Facebook. Soon, I got to a phone that was vibrating causing Mr. Slave to make noises and move slightly. I quickly answer the phone. "Hello? Hello? Slave honey? You better not be tied up somewhere you silly goose. Huh, where is he?" The man hung up and friended me on Facebook. I climbed for a little bit to see a...flashlight? I tried to turn it on...nothing. "Maybe bad battery connection?" I asked myself before sliding down the side of the flashlight. I put the battery back in the flashlight before climbing back onto the flashlight. I turned on the flashlight, which woke up a bat that was sleeping in front of it. The bat covered it's face before flying away, hopefully out of Slave's butt. I walked down a little only to find some...balls on a rope? I sighed before climbing the weird object. I walked before I was stopped by a bird spirit. "I am the Sparrow Prince. Like you, I was once used for pleasure as an anal plaything, and thus perished in this place. Now you must defeat my angry spirit in order to move forward. I know I don't sound that angry, but trust me, I am." After a long battle of slashing at the dead bird's spirit, I was finally able to crown myself Victorious in this battle. "You have proven yourself in combat, young anal plaything. You may journey forth. Find the snuke' stringer and save the outside world. Farethee met and farethee well." The Sparrow Prince said before disappearing. I walked forward to find the Sparrow Prince's dead body. I bow my head for a silent word of prayer for these poor animals. I unwillingly smashed the dead bird's skull before continuing to find a strange object. "This looks familiar...I think I saw one on Cartman's mom's nightstand...I also might have saw one in mom's nightstand too." I said to myself as I climbed a pile of shit and flipped on the switch causing the thing to vibrate. "I wonder why people like shoving stuff like this up their ass?" I asked myself before continuing on my journey. I peeked my head out from behind a weird red thing to see two men standing in the way of the stomach. "I didn't join the company for this." One man said. "We've got our orders." The other said back. "Yeah, but how come we always get the shit jobs? Go clean out the barracks. Go round up civilians in their homes. Go up a gay man's butthole and guard against intruders. Fuckin' sucks!" The first one complained as the Sparrow Prince and the Frog King appeared beside me. "Armed guards? What are they doing here?" The Frog King asked. "Whoever seeks to blow up the city clearly doesn't want anyone stopping them." The Sparrow Prince announced. "You must get past them, New Kid. Go fuck 'em up." The Frog King said before he and Sparrow Prince disappeared again. I pulled my swords out and rushed at the guards. In minutes, they were on the ground bloody and beaten. I continued into the stomach as the song began to play again. I climbed out of the stomach acid as another spirit appeared. "Hello, New Kid. I...am Catatafish. The trigger of the thermonuclear device lies before you. I have tried to solve its riddle, but I have been unable to disarm it. There are only moments to spare. Find a way to disengage the trigger, or all will be lost." Catatafish said as I looked at the device. 'A handicap sign...where's Jimmy when I need him?' I thought doing random shit that I've seen Jimmy do before, which somehow worked. The main part opened up as I walked onto the platform of the device to begin the abortion. "Snuke abortion sequence initiated. Begin electrolytic infusion." The snuke said as I quickly took a syringe from a tray from the device. I gave the shot before picking up the rod and sticking it in a slot before picking up a vacuum and sucking out the chip. "Self destruction sequence aborted!" The device said before the stomach began violently jerking. I was somehow pushed up through the top of the stomach and out the mouth. I almost hit the ground when Dovahkiin caught me and sat me down on the ground. I stepped off my brother's hand just as the Frog King, Sparrow Prince, and Catatafish appeared in front of me. "Great job, New Kid!" Catatafish congratulated me. "But your journey is not yet complete." Sparrow Prince replied. "Yeah, But should we ever need your services again, we will call." Frog King said placing a golden crown on my head. I threw some gnome dust on me and grew back to my original size. My brother went to give me a hug before wrinkling up his nose in disgust. "I know...I smell...blame him." I said as I pointed to Mr. Slave. "Great job! You disarmed the snuke. South Park is saved." Mr. Marsh said congratulating me. "Yes, now let's finish this, New Kids. Let's beat Clyde one and for all, and take back the Stick of Truth!" Cartman yelled as he lead up out of the room and toward the throne room. When we arrived in the throne room, Clyde was between to the throne and a barrel of green goo. "Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness!" Clyde said as lightning struck behind him. "Clyde! Back away from that stuff!" Stan warned but obviously Clyde kept talking. "Oh, but I have yet to complete my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!" Clyde said as he put his hand of the handle. "Stop, Clyde! You have no idea what that stuff is!" Kyle warned. "Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site." Clyde said causing me to shake my head at his stupidness. "Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce." Stan said. "Then why'd I find it at the Taco Bell?" Clyde replied causing Cartman to yell at him. "It leaked out of a UFO, CLYDE! It's toxic goo from another galaxy! THINK ABOUT IT! SINCE WHEN DOES TACO BELL HAVE A GREEN SAUCE, DUDE?!" Cartman yelled before earning a reply from Kyle. "Actually, since about a year ago." "What?" Cartman said as he looked over at Kyle. "Taco Bell has green sauce now." Kyle said. "No way." Cartman replied as Dovahkiin and I looked at each other confused at the conversation mainly since Mom and Dad don't let us eat at a public restaurants much. "They've had it longer than a year. I've always gotten spicy green burritos." Stan joined in the conversation. "Yeah, no, I'm saying in the packets. They just started putting green sauce in packets." Kyle said as he turned to Stan. "The fuck?! How the fuck did I miss this?" Cartman asked as Clyde laughed. "HA HA! I DON'T SEEM SO FOOLISH NOW, DO I?!" Clyde said causing the guys to look back at him. "That doesn't mean YOU have Taco Bell green sauce, dipfuck!" Kyle yelled. "Yeah, Clyde, why do you think that shit's GLOWING?" Stan said trying the convince Clyde to stop. "Maybe because of the three varieties of chili peppers." Clyde said stupidly as we looked at each other. "Just give us the Stick, asshole." Cartman said as he pointed at Clyde. "Or what? You'll beat me up? Ha, ha... I've got another surprise for you." Clyde said before turning the knob on the barrel. Dovahkiin quickly pulled me behind him as we watched the Green goo flow through the transparent pipe into a coffin as lightning struck behind it. A green hand busted through the coffin before it was kicked open revealing a man in a red shirt and chefs hat. "I'm gonna make love to you womannnn..." The zombie sang as the guys screamed and Dovahkiin pulled me closer to his side. The zombie got out before saying some junk in German. "Get him, Commander Douchebag!" Cartman ordered pointing to the zombie. Dovahkiin pulled me with him to attack the zombie chef. "Let's all make sweet lo- RAAAAAAWWWRRRRR!" The zombie rawred as Clyde commanded it to kill us. The zombie made the first move with chocolate balls. Dovahkiin blocked it as I rushed up from behind and stabbed the zombie before returning to Dovahkiin's Side. Chef got out a spatula and rushed over to Dovahkiin, who successfully blocked it. Dovah ran up and began slashing as I snuck up behind and began slashing at the zombie from behind. Chef kicked Dovahkiin away before turning and picking me up off the ground causing me to scream. I struggled in the undead man's grip as he tried to bite me. I punched the man three times before he dropped me. I scrambled away from the man and picked up my swords as Dovahkiin got in front of me to protect me. "I'm sorry, boys." The man apologized. "You don't have to apologize, Chef! It's the goo that's doing it." Butters replied as Dovahkiin swung his weapon at the undead man. The man finally fell to the ground before looking around. "Children! Everybody! I'm back!" The green Chef yelled jumping for joy. "Enough of this!" Clyde yelled before lighting a bottle of fire and throwing it at the dead man. "AHAHAHA! BURN THEM!! BURN THEM ALL!!!" Clyde yelled as Chef ran around. Dovahkiin grabbed me and hugged me to cover me as he farted on the poor burning man. The burning man exploded...Eww. "Your eons of torment are at an end, ruler of darkness!" Cartman said as he approached Clyde. "Um...okay, um, you know what, I'm not playing anymore." Clyde said trying to back down from a beating. "You have broken the rules of the Stick and for that I banish thee. I banish thee... from SPACE AND TIME!!!!!!" Cartman yelled as he kicked Clyde over the edge of the fortress. "We did it, dude!" Stan said. "That was AWESOME! You did it! Your noble quest is at an end. And for all your deeds, and all your time put into this - I hereby promote you... to KING Douchebag! Congratulations." Cartman said as we all clapped. "Quickly, now let's get the Stick back to safety before anyone can-" Kyle began to say only to be cut off by helicopters and  search lights. Ropes were thrown and men slid down from them yelling. Dovahkiin pulled me into his arms as if to protect me as guns were pointed at us. "We've got him, We've got the Dragonborn." A man said. "Th- Dragonborn? What the —who what?" Cartman tried to ask as man walked through the balcony entrance. "So it really IS the Dragonborn...Just can't stop being a thorn in our side, huh?" The man said before picking up the Stick of Truth. "He has the Stick of Truth!" Cartman warned backing away slightly. "How does this guy know you, King Douchebag?" Kyle said looking over at my brother, who held me tightly in his arms. "Kin Douchebag? Is THAT what you told them your name was? Why didn't you tell them your REAL name- DOVAHKIIN!" The man said causing Dovah to tighten his grip on me as Our friends looked at us. "You... you don't remember, do you? How we tried to find you?" The man said trying to get a reaction from Dovah earning only a stoic face. "Look, That Stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron! Give it back!" Stan said. "Fighters of Zaron? Boys, what's going on here is much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed to Earth. You see, in 1947 a UFO crashed in Roswell, New Mexico..." The man began to explain as we all groaned. "Hang on a sec. A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our Agency. Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is...until 4 years ago when we investigated a child. A child who had an unnatural power inside him. I had order from the President to secure the child, so that we could harness his powers before our enemies could. But he slipped through our hands." The government guy finally stopped talking. "The goverment wants the New Kid for his farts?" Kyle asked as Stan quickly replied. "That's dumb." "His Farts? No. His amazing ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. Before he was 5 years old he had 3.2 billion friends on Facebook alone. Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gift for your country." The goverment man gestured Dovahkiin to him. "Is he seriously still talking?" Cartman asked me. "Apparently." I replied. "Are we really so different, you and I, Dovahkiin?" The man said as Cartman groaned. "You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all just pawns in their game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I've ever come across. And yet all you seem to really care about... it this." He said gesturing to the Stick of Truth. "It must be very important. What does it do?" The man said earning an eye roll from Cartman. "Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, dumbass." Cartman said as Stan added. "Yeah, stupid." The man looked shocked then extremely excited as if he connected the dots. "Controls the...But then...I wouldn't have to do what I was told anymore. I could... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAAA! I control the universe. Get back! BACK I SAY! ALL OF YOU! I can do ANYTHING! ANYTHING I WANT!" The man said as he began stripping. Immediately Dovahkiin covered my eyes to protect whatever my poor eyes haven't seen yet in this town, which probably wasn't much. "HAHA AHA!!! I no longer need YOU, 'New Kid' ... I CONTROL THE UNIVERSE!" The man yelled before I heard him run out of the throne room. Dovahkiin took off his bandanna and tied it around my eyes as a blindfold. He then grabbed my hand and lead us outside the where I could here the man prancing around. "Hahg... huh UGH!!!! Er...damn thing! How does it work?! Show me how it works!" The man demanded. "Yeah, right." Stan replied. "Dovahkiin, why should we be on the opposite sides? Join me, Dovahkiin. Rule by my side. Rule... and you can have THIS all to yourself, FOREVER. I can offer you ALL! Just get me safely out of here, you can rule with this once again!" The man said as Dovahkiin tightened his grip on my hand. "Dude, you seriously said you didn't need my brother 5 seconds ago and expect him to help you after trying to destroy our home and tried killing us with your blasted bloody guns! Fat chance, pal! And you sounded like a damn pedophile trying to get him to help you!" I hissed out as my hand earned a squeeze from Dovahkiin. When I felt Dovahkiin not move, I knew he made his decision. I smiled as our friends stood by our side. "You underestimated the character of the fighters of Zaron! What binds us is MORE than that relic." Stan said as one by one our friends stood by us. "And you failed to recognize the character of our alliance." Kyle said before unbelievably Cartman stepped forward. "Yes. And that friendship is more important to any of us - than even the Stick of Truth." I smiled before I could hear someone walking toward the man. It sounded like a dress...Kenny? "Dude, where're you going?" Kyle asked. I heard Kenny's muffled laugh as Cartman gasped. "Princess Kenny!" "At least ONE of you has some sense." "You'd sell us all out?!" "But why, Princess Kenny?" Stan asked. "Because Princess Kenny was born a half-orc...whose entire village was wiped out by humans and elves."...Was that Morgan Freeman? "You see, when humans and elves lived TOGETHER in the forests of Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar - the first one to possess the Stick of Truth. They loved in secret and had a child, a beautiful little girl, a girl who watched as everyone she loved was killed in cold blood. And that is why she waited... and plotted... all this time. To take the Stick from you. For Princess Kenny is the true heir to the Stick of Truth." Morgan Freeman explained. "Wow, that's pretty cool." Cartman said before Kyle spoke up. "Just one thing, Morgan Freeman - how come every time something convoluted needs explaining, you show up?" "Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle." Freeman said as Kenny muffle something before running off. "PRINCESS KENNY, COME BACK HERE!" Cartman yelled as he ran after her/him.