The Letter Of My Story (One Direction)

Assaulted Or Imagined

Chapter 16

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I was still mad at her. Who you ask? My mother. Oh, so yesterday she wanted to show me around the neighborhood since I didn't remember, I said sure. The only problem was she was driving while feeding Olivia. Of course I had to stop her. I just told her, in a calm voice mind you, to keep her focus on the road and let my sis eat on her own, she's a big girl! Is it so wrong to want everybody to be safe??? My mother insisted that it was fine and ignored my advice. I couldn't help but repeat my words and she got mad. She chided me so I fought back because she didn't listen. She scolded me for talking back and throwing a tantrum so I pointed out that she was the one who first lost her temper. I knew I was wrong to try and lecture her since she was my mother but how was I suppose to change my bad nature if she doesn't try. I mean, she was a bad example.

I guessed I had a lot of things on my mind when I went to the recording studio. Why was it that people usually never listen to me, or say that I like talking back without listening? I do listen, but I would like to state my points of view too. Don't criticize me when you don't know what I was thinking. You are not me. First Silena, then the fans, then my mother. I'm thankful, I found my family and I actually have people to care about me, but sometimes, they make me feel worthless and my opinions just doesn't seem to matter. Was it wrong to wish for more of less?

And who knew acting could be so hard? And it was only for my newest music video. John and the director said I hadn't been emotional enough. I didn't know how to feel the pain and sorrow of love. Maybe it was because I was never in love. I don't think I could've turned my sorrow and fear the other way around.

I looked through my collection of books and they weren't very helpful, besides a few encyclopedias on Science and cook books, my shelf was pretty bare. I never ever got that time to read books since my popularity shot up. If I were asked to choose between fame and wealth or ordinary and free, I'd thrown away fame, because they were never that enjoyable after all. Some things are just not about popularity.

I threw a canvas bag over my shoulder and headed to the library. Scrolling through the different sections, I pulled out a book that intrigued me. World war two. I took another book randomly from the romance section and took my seat at a secluded part of the room.

I flipped through the old leather binding book. Ever since I learnt the history of my native country, I never really liked the Japanese for what they did to the people of the country. They were cruel and abusive and they kill because they felt like it. I remembered reading about the Japanese making the people dig a huge pit, then making them kneel before the pit, the Japs shot them down. I couldn't help resenting the Japanese for what they did even though they were the ancestors. The Japanese now are alright. Still...I suppose those were the past when humans are stupid and arrogant and wanting dominance. There really isn't much difference then and now.

So I was reading about the bombing attack in Hiroshima and I didn't think so bad of the Japs anymore. The Americans dropped "Little Boy" - a nuclear bomb - and had it detonated just above the city, sending massive shockwaves at the maximum. Needless to say, many never survived. The subsisters went through a lot of sufferings, having had their skin blown off and stuff like that. They were described as walking ghost as their skin hung from their flesh. A lady had mentioned that a man was alive with his eyeballs in his hands.

In conclusion, war was a gruesome thing. I took back everything I had said before, anything negative. I was one of the luckiest person in the world. I just prayed that the world doesn't get thrown into a World War 3.

I was aware that a man had taken a seat beside me but I ignore him and engulfed myself in the book. I felt a sob bubbling inside of me and let out a sniffle, even though there was a stranger next to me.