Late Night Thoughts

Sexuality and crush problems

Warning. Awkward attempts to explain my feelings ahead.

Lol I had to be dramatic.

So I am possibly bisexual. I talked about thinking girls and guys were both hot a few updates ago and how my mother informed me I could get "fixed". Fun times.

Well it's just been weighing down on me lately. I was reading a story on here and they had one of those cast pages where they show who they envision as certain characters.

One of the girls was hot. I mean holy cow hello! Ya wanna go get chipotle?

Lol I've never been on a real date ok? And I have food allergies! Don't judge my food choice. 

She had gorgeous violet hair but I'm not gonna get creepy with details. She just kinda stays on my mind.

But then I was reading this story on here called "The Art of Letting Go". GO CHECK IT OUT BECAUSE THE FEELS! Elisia is a gifted magical writer so while your at it read all her other books.

Anywho it was updated last night and Elisia added a pic of who she pictures as Tyler. I'm just going to say DAMN HES HOT! I mean a face like that stays in the mind. And his eyes.... God did good.

WHY DO I HAVE TO LIKE BOTH?! I mean seriously. It's not the first girl that I've had thoughts about. I also find guys hot especially guys with abs and a v-line.

I can't tell anyone because of the shit that would be said. I feel like I have this huge weight weighing me down.

Wanna know something sad? I had the biggest crush on one of my friends. We are going to call her.... Alissa. I'm coming up with a name so you don't get confused.

I cut off "Alissa" because she was being a bitch and finally showed her true colors. I wanted to ask her out so bad!

And no. Alissa is not the psycho bitch I talked about... was it last chapter? Idk. Post concussion problems. *rolls eyes*

The crush started with a few simple kisses on the cheek. Idk where you guys are from but I'm from the US (unfortunately🙄) and that's not something we do.

Alissa kissed my cheek often. But I knew it wouldn't become anything the day she trash talked the creepy bisexual chick from school.

Let's all her.... uh idk Sid. And yes I got that name from Ice Age.

Honestly Sid was a hoe and fucking psycho so I bashed on her too. Never would have gotten with her! I would've been scared to be stabbed if we cuddled or something. *shudders*

She wasn't cute either....

But yep. That was the day I knew Alissa and I could never go out. Cried for a little bit about it. I mean you would too, wouldn't you?

After that little thing where I knew I'd never be with her I started talking to a guy and she went to school with him. Let's call him.... Jed.

I suck at names. Don't judge!

Have I said that I'm homeschooled? No? Oh. Well that's a story for another time.

I shall now continue.... *clears throat*

We talked and I started to like, Jed. Well a few months later Alissa informed me she liked him and wanted to be with him.

I felt so betrayed. I had been talking to Alissa about him and then she straight up told me that.

That was the final straw of our 1 and 1/2 year friendship. I couldn't do it. She did some horrifying things and then stabbed me with the guy I like.

A month after I ended the friendship she told one of my guy friends something, that is still unknown to me, and he removed me from all social media.

Wow this turned into me ranting about fucked up friendships and stupid crushes.

Now I gotta figure out what the fuck to do about my family. I'd probably be shunned if they found out I'm bi. I'm being serious! They'd call me a whore and all sorts of stuff. I've watched them do it to people before.... fuck I'm scared!

I am getting a full name change as soon as possible and then cutting off all ties I can. Only my mom knows about it but she doesn't even know what name I've chosen for myself.

The name thing is something I'll talk about later. This is getting longer than I intended.

If anyone else feels conflicted about something like this hit me up! We can talk about sexuality problems together. 😂😛

I gotta go. SHOUTOUT TO MY AWESOME SWEET POTATO FRIEND!!!!! You know who you are. *smiles while eating lucky charms*

Lol I wanted to do that so bad. Anyhow bye.