Late Night Thoughts

Back in hell

Well it's been a while since I updated this.

I finally colored my hair! It is an ombré from blue to pink. I put a picture. I wanted all my hair done but my mom wouldn't let me. Hey at least I got that much right? I am obsessed and can't stop playing with it. My mom just keeps making comments about what "group" it puts me with.

At this point I don't care what people think of me and what "group" I am put in. If people think I'm crazy and rebellious. Awesome! Go for it. I don't give a fuck anymore. Judgmental people can just shove it where the sun doesn't shine! :D I give those people the gift of the middle finger.

I am back in hell. Yep that's right. I have been here since early Friday. The only upside of being back in this place with my stepfather is that he is helping me find a car.

I am finally getting my settlement from the insurance almost two years after almost dying, having a bad head trauma, and a shoulder that's fucked up for life. Also being in and out of the hospital for over a year... So I get to buy myself a car.

Most people would probably be more humble about this but my gymnastics career got ruined because of a driver who shouldn't have been driving. So I kind of feel like I deserve a treat for myself.

Anywho back to hell. It's weird. This house makes me just want to sleep my life away like I used to when I lived here for five years. I didn't see his dreadful children while I was here thank god! I wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Almost three years of freedom only to be sucked back into this dark place. We are moving back here at some point. It's unfortunate but at least we will be in a different house. Then the children will not be able to bitch about how it's their house.

Ugh being here puts me in a worse place than I already am.

But I am flying back home tonight so I will survive a few more hours.... I think.

Last time I updated I was going to counseling for the things my cousin did. Well I am happy to say I am no longer going! Not because I got "fixed" as they say. Nope. I was spiraling into darkness and I talked my way out of it. Shockingly my mother took my side and said ok.

I guess she can be useful sometimes. That's a rare thing.

I also cut off a friend who was not good for me because she threw my past in my face. I kind of snapped when she acted like I don't know what I went through. It wasn't good.

I am sorry for all my cussing.

Until I feel like writing again bye!