Late Night Thoughts

Trying To Be More Positive... fail

Hello poodles. So I have noticed that recently I have become extremely negative and sound the biggest bitch of all time.

I don't like that and I'm either gonna take a break from writing, even though I just posted a new story, or I am going to try and become more positive.

Being a positive person is work for me especially right now. My life is falling apart and I am moving back in with an abusive stepfather by the end of the summer.

I'm also a little lonely lately. I enjoy being alone but not leaving your house, unless it is to go for a ride in the car, sucks.

I don't leave. It just doesn't happen. I might as well be on house arrest or something.

While I think it would be cool to go hang out with friends or make a new friend, I'm moving and so it's pointless to create new ties in a town I'm leaving.

Heh sorry... there I go with the negativity again. This is the last negative chapter for a while. I hope. No promises.

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So um. My mom brought up being gay or bisexual and it was not good.

She kept saying how unacceptable it was and calling them all dykes and how some dress like guys. Then she went on to talk about my nieces elementary school teacher and calling her weird.

All because the crazy person is obsessed with Batman and asked the class to wear Batman shirts on picture day.

Did she stop there? No of course not.

She then talked about someone's boyfriend who looked like a trans, and about her past boyfriend that was bi. Saying how she wouldn't allow someone like that into her home and how it's disgusting.

There was more but I don't want to put it in.

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I'm so tired. I sleep in late and stay up late. But I wake up and feel exhausted.

I don't have a reason to be here and I hate it. I'm turning into a codependent hoe that craves love and attention.

My mom has said for years now that it's "my turn". It will never be my turn and that's okay. She has other kids and step kids and grandkids she takes care of. She's overloaded, always has been.

But she also doesn't want me to get my own life in college. So I have given up on my dreams and am going to be logical. Meaning I will stay close so I can stay at home.

She informed me that even if I'm in college I can't have guys in my room especially with a closed door.

When she said those words it hurt me for some reason. She always says she trusts me and I'm nothing like my two middle sibling, but then goes and says that.

I live in a fortress and can't even go pee without turning off the stupid alarm.

I don't get to sleep in my own room unless we have company or the parasite is here. Lord knows that I need some freaking earplugs and don't get sleep when he's in the house.

I will spare your young eyes the details...

I gotta go.

Toodles poodles.