habits of my heart (h.s.)

six

By the time I returned home that day, I had already undergone a full-fledged "Tinder education", as Niall had seemingly dubbed it. According to him, the three main rules for the app were play it cool, never message immediately after a match, and most importantly, hookups only. All of them seemed pretty obvious to me, but apparently the last one was a big deal.

"I know so many girls who try and look for love on Tinder," he explained. "Or, like, I swipe right and they think that means I want to marry them. Don't let that be you, Aly. Tinder says they're a dating app, but everyone knows that it's just for one night stands." He paused for a minute. "Possibly two night stands, on rare occasions. But never three night stands."

"Got it," I nodded my head, trying to hold back my laughter. "And I'm guessing no four night stands either?"

"You can't have a four night stand without having a three night stand," Niall informed me, clearly not detecting my sarcasm. "Jesus, Aly, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one in this loft."

"You're right. I'm sorry," I said, my lips twitching. "So...what? Do I just start swiping?"

"Of course!" Niall exclaimed. "You have to explore, see what's out there. Try not to be so picky. It's your first time--try new things. New people."

"You're, like, a Tinder spokesman," I mumbled as I began to look through different profiles. "They should sponsor you."

"That's actually a good idea."

I giggled. "Do you think this guy's cute?"

Niall ducked his head close to mine to get a better look at my screen. He immediately shuddered. "No way. Too ginger. Way too ginger."

I frowned. "He just has red hair. How is that too ginger?"

"Is he Ed Sheeran?" Niall asked me.

"No. He's Thomas James," I read aloud.

"Then he's too ginger. Also, just from personal experience--never trust people with two first names on this app. They're almost always creeps."

I couldn't keep myself from bursting into laughter. "Are you kidding? Is that another one of your official rules?"

He nodded. "Should've mentioned that in the beginning, huh? You're lucky I caught you before you swiped right."

"I wasn't going to swipe right anyway," I said. "I feel like it's kind of ironic to quote Taylor Swift and pose with a hunting rifle, all in one profile."

"What did I tell you?" Niall said. "Creepy."

I couldn't argue with him on that one. "Okay, next."

"Donald Glover," I read aloud. It took me a minute to realize what I had just said. "Wait, what?"

Niall snatched my phone out of my hands. "No way are you fucking Donald Glover! He's too good for you!"

"Okay, you know what, I can't really argue with that," I shrugged. Donald Glover really was a beautiful man. "But he's not actually Donald Glover. He's just wearing a mask--oh my God, this is actually really creepy."

"Yeah, it takes a little while for the good ones to start kicking in," Niall said. He didn't even seem to be taken aback. Knowing him, he'd probably seen weirder things. "Don't give up."

After over ten swipe lefts, I was beginning to lose my patience. "You know, I really don't think this is going to work out for me. Maybe I should just do this the old-fashioned way. You know, actually meet someone in person."

"What are you, fifty?" Niall asked me in disgust. Um, okay. "Jesus, Aly, live a little. I told you, you can't expect a swipe right automatically. Just try again. It's a process."