habits of my heart (h.s.)

twenty-five

Harry's POV

"Harry? Are you listening to me?"

Her voice dragged me out of my thoughts. I glanced over at Anna, an apologetic look etched onto my face. This was becoming more and more of a common occurrence lately, and I was pretty sure I knew the reason why. Something told me she did too. "Um. Yes?"

Anna smiled good-naturedly, but I could tell that it was slightly forced. "I was talking about Nate. He's supposed to go on his date with Aly tonight. Should he be nervous?"

I couldn't keep my face from falling at the mention of Nate. I knew I was an asshole, and that I couldn't be jealous, but I was. I had always had a slight problem when it came to Alyson and other guys--I just hadn't understood why at first. Originally, I thought maybe I was just being protective. She was my friend, she was younger, more vulnerable. I knew what guys were thinking when they were looking at her. Or maybe not. Maybe it was just me.

"No, Alyson's nice," I said. It felt too weird to talk about her with Anna, especially about her and Nate, and I hoped the conversation would halt to an end soon. "He has nothing to worry about."

Anna nodded slowly. "Okay. Good." She paused for a moment before admitting, "Is it weird that I know nothing about her? It feels kind of weird."

I stared at her. "Why would you know anything about her?" The question came out sounding harsher than I intended, and I quickly added on, "I mean, you should try and get to know her if you want. Like I said, she's, uh, really nice."

"I mean, she's sort of my replacement, isn't she?" Anna asked. "I do want to get to know her in that sense."

For a second, I panicked. "Your replacement?" I repeated.

"Like, as the new roommate," Anna explained. Right. She looked at me for a minute before saying, "Niall told me you didn't really like her that much at first."

It was true that I hadn't been the nicest to Alyson at first, but it wasn't because I hadn't liked her. In fact, it was pretty much the complete opposite. I had sworn off female roommates in the first place because I hadn't wanted another Anna situation, and then Niall had to go and call in Alyson. She was....well, she was beautiful. I had tried to ignore it for weeks, but it hadn't really gotten me anywhere, had it?

"Did he?" I asked. "What else did Niall tell you?"

Anna was silent for a minute. Her silence was enough of an indicator of what she was going to say next, and, just like I had thought, I was right. "He told me he thought that maybe you had a thing for her."

I rolled my eyes. "You know Niall. He's always trying to stir up drama."

She blinked. "You didn't deny it, Harry."

I looked at her then. Really looked at her. The girl I had fallen in love with the second she walked through the door almost two years ago. The girl who had broken my heart and let me go without so much as a second glance. The girl who was always going to get tired of me, regardless of how hard I tried. I looked at her, and I realized I no longer loved her.

And that's when I realized I had sacrificed everything--the girl who really mattered--for something that wasn't even real anymore.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, struggling to make eye contact. "I....I mean, she's Alyson."

"She's more than just your roommate," Anna said quietly. "She means more to you than that."

I hesitated for a minute before nodding. "Yeah."

This time, it was her turn for her face to fall, even though I could tell part of her had been expecting it. "Why did you get back together with me then?" she asked. "If you care about her."