Patience

Fourteen

For the next couple of days, I had been in and out of work. Interactions between Axl and I had been a bit awkward since the other night. We were only really communicating when necessary, and neither of us could hold eye contact very well. I had no idea where he had went that night, and though I was very curious, I didn't ask. We're not together, it's not my business. We're solely roommates. 

It was Friday, which meant it was the day of the album release party. I had been running late because of my later shift that evening. Everyone was already at the party, and Slash's house was packed full of people. It was only a little over an hour into the party, and the trees outside were full of toilet paper. As I neared the door, I couldn't help but laugh at the few poor souls passed out in the yard. It was a bit amusing.

I walked inside the house and looked around, trying to find someone to talk to. The party was filled with people I had never seen in my entire life, and it almost made me wonder if any of the guys even knew all of these people.

I looked around, until I accidentally walked into someone. I looked up and realized it was Slash.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I told him, taking a step back.

"No, you're fine, Lucy. When did you get here? I started to think you weren't coming," Slash said.

"Just now," I said, "I had a later shift today."

"Ah, I see. Do you want a drink?" Slash asked.

"Yeah, that would be nice, where are they?" I asked.

"Follow me," He said, turning and waving his hand for me to follow. We pushed through a crowd of people and made our way to a couple of coolers. Slash handed me a bottle of beer.

"Have you seen Axl?" I asked, looking around the room.

Slash shook his head. "I haven't seen him since the beginning of the party," He said.

"Oh. Well, I'm going to go try and find him," I said.

"Good luck," Slash laughed.

"Yeah," I laughed, as well, though it was a bit fake. I was worried about Axl; he seemed to spiral easily. I pushed my way through the sea of dancing, drunk people and looked around for Axl.

I ran into Izzy. "Hey, Izzy, You haven't seen Axl, have you?" I asked him.

"Last I saw him he was on his way upstairs," Izzy said.

"Okay, thanks, Iz," I said and I made my way upstairs.

I found my way to a bathroom and chugged the rest of the beer Slash gave me then I threw it away. I checked my appearance in the mirror. I looked decent, but Axl wouldn't care. God, why
do I care about how I look?

I walked out of the bathroom, passing a few people here and there. There was a door cracked open at the end of the hall, and I noticed that the lamp was on, so I looked inside. Through the crack I could see what looked like Axl's shadow. I started to push the door open, but stopped.

My jaw dropped, but I said nothing. As I peeked through the crack in the door, I saw Axl on the bed with some girl, and he was in the middle of undressing her. I couldn't believe it. I was filled with emotions and my eyes grew teary. Why was I upset? Axl and I weren't together, but it made me wonder if he actually cared about me. Stop that, he's not yours, I thought. Still, I was overwhelmed with emotion.

I angrily stormed off, and back down the stairs. I should have never allowed myself to fall for him. Here I was, thinking that he really cared about me and was willing to wait for me, but he lied. He moved on so quickly. Fuck Axl. Who needs him?

I stormed over to the coolers, grabbed another beer, and found Slash. I started talking to Slash. Soon, I was on my third beer. Then, my fourth. The next thing I knew, I was flirting, and Slash was flirting back. There was a small voice in my head telling me to stop, but I wasn't listening. There was another voice, one that was louder, and it said: I need to get back at him. We aren't together, I can do whatever I want, and he can't get mad.

I was drunk, and Slash was drunk, too. Together, we went upstairs to his bedroom and I shut the door. Things began to move quickly, though most of it was a blur. We were making out. I was up against a wall, receiving kisses all down my neck. I was suddenly on the bed. My top was now off. Everything just kept happening, and I was okay with it.

Then, the door opened. Slash and I froze. Fuck, I thought. It was Axl. But this is what you wanted, right? You wanted him to see.

Axl opened his mouth to say something, but didn't. Instead, he just shook his head and walked away. I stared at the open door, and watched him. Slash pulled my face towards him and tried to kiss me again, but I pulled away. I stood up, and grabbed my top.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I'm so sorry. This was a mistake," I said as I slipped my shirt back on. I walked out, leaving Slash alone.

I kept asking myself: Isn't this what you wanted?

My response: No. No. No. No.

At least now I know the answer.

I pushed past people, earning me some dirty looks. Duff tried to get my attention, but I ignored him, and I walked out the door. I walked away from the house and down the road. I just kept walking, tears streaming down my face. I didn't know exactly where I had planned to go, but I made my way to a nearby gas station.

God must've been on my side in that moment, because there was a taxi there, and the taxi driver was pumping some gas. I walked up to him and handed him a random amount of money.

"Where do you need to be, miss?" He asked, pocketing the money. He put the pump back up and we got into the cab.

I gave him the address, and we drove off.

When I got to the apartment, no one else was home. I was a little disoriented in my walking abilities, so I knocked a plant over, busting the pot it was in. I muttered a string of curse words and tried to clean it up with my hands, but then I realized what I was doing. God, I am not in my right mind right now.

I finally just gave up and went to bed, and fell asleep with a tear stained face that night.