Forever Never Lasts [✔]

Rose Petals

A roses rarest essence lives in its thorn.

 I watched Jasper scamper around our living room and practically squashing me as he pounced on me, nearly making me drops my computer. 

"Jesus Jasp! Tryin' to kill me and the computer?" I quickly shut the computer and set it aside.

"Shut up and looky!"

 Whatever I had just said didn't affect him in the least. He held the computer to my face, almost to close. It took me a moment to read out what was on the page,

'Puppy Adoption Sale'

 I knew this would come up eventually. His eyes beaming as if he were star struck, scrolling through the page. I could practically see him vibrating with his need for one. Sighing I stood up and held out my hand to him, which he screamed in victory as he grabbed it and dragged me to the door, barely allowing me to grab the keys, put on a jacket and my shoes.

I wish this was true. because in the end? 9 days before our 10 month anniversary he cheated on me.

---

I had everything planned. I was happy and in a good mood for once, and throughout all of my classes, I had planned probably the best day ever. This wasn't normal for me, I'm not going to lie. I wasn't the romantic type. I told him I had things planned, I had everything planned. 

And then I was blank. I felt numb. All I heard was a crash and a thud, and darkness. I swear I was just about to get into my dad's vehicle. I swear it. The one thing I remember, that caught my attention, is that my chest was rattling.

  And before I knew it, I was out.

I remember waking up briefly every now and then, only to see blurred figures, and I was back out again. Every time I woke,  I hurt. I hurt worse than those emergency cuts, so much worse. 

  When I finally woke, I didn't see people; I was glad. What confused me is why was I in a too soft bed, with a thin sheet and an assless gown on. I knew exactly where I was. The telltale sound of that god forsaking beeping. The beeping that though it annoyed me, made me so happy. I hated the smell. Always smelt like recycled air and lavender, at times pomegranate. 

  When I looked over, my heart dropped. Beside me, was a dialysis machine. I was on Dialysis, and I knew why. The near year of my drug habits had caught up too me... I wanted to cry.

  My toxin levels were evident, my shitty liver and gallbladder practically decomposed. They knew. 
  I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. Most of all, I hated everything. 

  While many of these chapters have been of happy events, in reality, things were breaking down. In reality, people had begun to call me a drug addict, a mama's boy. Everyone knew now just how broken I really was. All my friends had left me because, with every pill, I become crueler and crueler. I lost everyone. 

  And with that, I curled into myself, ignoring the pain I felt everywhere. With my neck brace and bandaged up ankle and rib, I tried to bury myself back into my slumber. Everything in me refused to want to go back into the world that hated me so much.

---

When I got home, I was expecting Jasper. I was craving him. After 5 days of my absents, I needed him. I had the biggest smile on my face as I slowly wobbled my broken self up the stairs and to our bedroom, yet when I opened the door, it was vacant. Almost collecting dust. I thought that it was just my imagination, that the house was just untouched due to him waiting for me, but I was wrong. 

 How wrong I was...

I searched the house, and he wasn't there. One scroll through social media on my phone and I knew and with every cell in my body -- that was once filled with hope -- disappeared. He was with someone else. In my 5 days of absence, he was gone and with someone else. I looked over at the newly delivered oxygen tanks, and I screamed. I didn't care if my chest rattled anymore. I didn't care that I had a sprained ankle or a broken collarbone. I knew one thing.

  I hated everyone.

I didn't want that horrid machine again. Not by myself. 

I was alone again, and I knew it. 

The wall of Polaroids? I ripped every image down. Every picture in the house I shatter or at least tried to. I screamed until my vocals died and practically broke my fingers on the walls. The more I had my fit, the more I realized how pointless it was. It wasnt going to change what just occurred. In the end, all I could do was wheeze my way into the kitchen, take my pills and lay on the couch, waiting for them to kick in. I couldn't sleep in our room -- My room. 

  I just curled into myself. I ignored the phone which rang endlessly because I wanted no part of it. I wanted no part of anything. All I could do is stare at those tanks and be disgusted with myself. 

My legs have always been dangling off the edge it seems.

I guess I always turned a blind eye to it. 

In the end? I was a nobody. No one knew I even existed anymore probably. 

That made me happy.

Nothing could describe how I felt. I don't know whether I hated him or not. But I do know that I hated myself more than anything. 

In the end, I got toyed with again.

Funny that I thought my fairytale would come true.