Forever Never Lasts [✔]

Bipolar

Yes I am Bipolar... I take pills to stop the extreme highs and I take pills to stop the extreme lows. I take pills to sleep. I take pills for anxiety.

I hate taking pills.

But I'm stable.

Even through all the good times, the things he didn't know took control of me at times. I did things to him at times that I hated to do, but my mind had become so stressed and so overwhelmed that I couldn't think so well anything.

We would fight, and the fights were about where I was when i disappeared for days at a time, and I had no answer for him. I couldn't tell him where I was because he would few me differently. I couldn't tell him at all. 

Unfortunately, he did find out.

-----

We had just got out of a fight, he sat on the couch with my head laid in his lap, eyes closed and arms wrapped around his in much of a begging submissive manor. I couldn't loose him and I knew I couldn't. He fell asleep against the arm of the couch, and I fell asleep grasping his waist tightly with my head in his lap. I woke up 4 hours later wheezing as I pulled from him. I brung nothing. Not a damn thing to help me.

I stood up, tripping over things as I felt like I was being selfocated. 

I woke him up. 

I didnt care at that moment. I coughed as I tried to breath.

He was up and at the phone calling a ambulance in less then a blink of a eye.

I passed out on the floor before they got there.

My lungs had seized.

----

Waking up in the hospital to my hand held by him was heart breaking. His eyes were puffy and red from crying and I couldn't look at him due to how ashamed I was.

I never wanted him to see me like this. I never wanted him to know that I couldn't take hot showers or exercise. That I couldn't do anything I had once loved to do. I never wanted him to know i had surgeries twice every 5 months to clean my lungs out and that I was gone majority of the time due to infections in my lungs and scar tissue getting in the way. 

He had asked me if I had lost weight and I shrugged it off with a laugh, moving into a joke.

By the look in his eyes, he knew. He knew everything.

He knew I had DID, IPF, CF and a Bipolar Disorder.

He knew. 

That was the worst day of my life as I watched him cry into the blanket of my hospital bed.