K.I.S.S (Futanari) •

You're A Mess

Hartley's P.O.V

2 Weeks Later

The only thing that I could remember when I saw him, was me going into a blind rage. I stumbled over my own two feet and then I couldn't remember anything. I woke up the next day in my bedroom, with my ma and Poppy beside me. Both of them were in tears, I did not know why though. Then Poppy spoke up, she told me that I attempted in--I did not think I could do it but she told me that I attempted in killing him.

I stayed silent as I took that in, I could not believe it that I could do something so--horrific. I became disgusted with myself. Not only did I feel disgusted with myself but I felt ashamed, I felt that ashamed that I did not want Poppy or Richie to come over to see me. I stayed in my room the whole week since the incident, trying to remember constantly what had happened. Ma told me that she had to put herself into the fight for me to stop, once I stopped I blacked out.

The last thing I saw was Ma looking at me with such sadness and disappointment, it broke my heart. I felt empty. I felt more empty knowing I was hurting Poppy and Richie. Ma had told me as soon as I blacked out, he left immediately, without saying anything, he just left. Despite feeling empty, I felt happy that he left.

However I kept thinking that what if Ma hadn't had stepped in? Would I be in jail right now? The thought of that gives me goosebumps, I could not imagine myself in ja--

"Hart?" Ma's voice broke through my thoughts and I turned to face her from the position I laid on my bed. I looked into her eyes and was sort of relieved that I did not see the disappointment in her eyes anymore. However, was still upset as I saw an overgrowing sadness in her eyes.

"Hi" I croaked out as I sat up sluggishly in my bed. She stepped in cautiously and tried smiling but then failed as she smiled a defeated smile. She fully walked into my room and sat beside me on my bed. I hung my head, I could not bare to look at her, look at the mess I have created. "Hey--come on now, look at me" she whispered and I swallowed up the ball in my throat as I tried to straightened my back and turned towards my beloved mother.

She rested her warm fragile palm on my cheek and I closed my eyes as I lean towards her palm. "Were all so worried about you" she spoke softly. I opened my eyes and nodded slowly, I could hear the bang on our front door every morning from my best friend and my beautiful girlfriend. If she is still my girlfriend.

"You have to get back out there" Ma then added and I immediately started to shake my head. "Hartle--"

"You don't get it Ma. You don't get it. I almost---I almost--" I stopped with what I was saying and breathed in deeply. I couldn't hold in the tears anymore as they spilled out and I quickly covered my eyes.

"Oh babygirl" Ma said sorrowfully and instantly her warm comforting embrace was around me. I held my hands to my body, afraid to hold her, feeling like I could at anytime handle her like I handled him. "Do you remember what I told you that one night? The night you heard me fall?" she asked and I nodded my head, wiping away the tears. "I asked you, no matter, no matter what Hartley, you be--"

"Strong" I finished for her and she smiled and nodded.

"Be strong Hartley. I know you might think of yourself as a criminal, but babygirl you did not and I repeat you did not kill him. You didn't. But I am not saying what you did was right--no--that was very wrong of you to do and I know you know that. I am not going to hold this against you babygirl because to be honest, if he had walked back into our lives five or so years ago, I would reacted the same damn way" she said strongly.

I looked at her for a few minutes, sinking all this in and she was right. She's always right who am I kidding. I knew what I did was not right. I am not a murderer or will I ever be. The thought of doing that to another human being makes me feel so--so disgusted. So disgusted that I want to puke. I had to let go of this overpowering hate I have in me towards him. Doesn't mean I got to like him but having this much hate isn't good for me at all.