Close to Heaven

Volunteers

One week later

A quiet knock sounded at my door. My new room was white, no T.V. and another window. This one had a good view of the horizon for sunrises. I didn't watch them. "Come in," I croaked. The nurse, Kang Mi Na, opened the door softly and smiled. 

"I have good news," she declared. I said nothing and didn't smile. It's that I don't like Mi Na, she's very sweet. It's just if you were placed in hospice, knowing what that means, I don't think you would be a ball of sunshine either. Mi Na ignored my unenthusiastic response and exclaimed: "We've received hospice volunteers!" I sat up. 

This is new. I've never had a volunteer. "But not just any volunteers, BTS!" Mi Na gushed. "BTS? As in the boy band?" "Yes!" She responded. "Aren't you so excited to meet them?" "Um-I've never really listened to them. I don't even know what they look like," I replied. "That's okay, you can get to know whoever is assigned to you!" 

Mi Na is so optimistic. With the new information that might make things at hospice a little more interesting, I smiled. I actually smiled. At Mi Na's happiness and at the thought that maybe I could meet someone new. "They'll be here soon, so be ready!" Mi Na cajoled. I rolled my eyes. "Never been more ready in my life," I groaned. 

No offense Mi Na, but I can't really get ready like other girls. I can't put makeup on or get dressed in something cute. I'm laying in a bed, half paralyzed, a tumor still growing along my spinal cord. Mi Na gave my shoulder a squeeze, only reminding me even more of my condition. My limbs are slightly numb all the time, and the squeeze feels as though a bug has landed on my shoulder. 

Mi Na leaves me in peace as I think about what is to come. Will the volunteers be nice? What are they going to do with all the patients? Am I going to have to play games and pretend to be happy? I really hope not. 

I was worried that I would have to keep pretending around these strangers. The nurses at hospice say to let your feelings out, but if I did, I would probably explode with my frustration.