Close to Heaven

A New Normal

"That was delicious, thank you," I praised Jimin. "My pleasure, I'd forgotten how good Yukaejang is," he said happily. His wide smile lit up his face. It was contagious. I quickly grinned as well. Suddenly I realized what was going on. 

I was becoming attached to Jimin, and it needed to stop. I couldn't become attached to one, a celebrity who I could never have a chance with, and two, a volunteer at the hospice care program that I am in.

I reluctantly dropped the smile from my face and brought my eyes back to their former dull image. Immediately I saw Jimin hesitate with his own expression.

His eyes looked hurt that I was no longer smiling and I knew what he must be thinking. That something he had done had caused my change in mood.

The worst part was, that when his beautiful face fell, it only became even more beautiful. His eyes widened ever so slightly and his already plump lips separated imperceptibly. 

His face looked like a puppy dog's, framed by wavy, golden hair. I wanted so badly to comfort him and put a smile back on my face but I knew that would only make matters worse.

Things continued like that for a while. Jimin's high moods would spread to me until I hesitantly shut them down. He had a lot of rehearsals and meetings. 

Every time he would leave for one, he apologized profusely and promised he would be back as soon as his event was over. He always was. He always acted so happy around me. 

It confused me, because how could he act this happy when I was the complete opposite? I had been getting more tired lately, and I knew it was the tumor catching up to me. Jimin would ask me what I wanted to do and I would always mumble out the same answer. "Sleep." 

He would nod, without complaint. Per usual, he would always put his playlist on quietly. The songs, whether they were a louder, upbeat song, or a lullaby, would always put me to sleep quickly.