Close to Heaven

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Two weeks later

I hadn't left my bed except to use the bathroom and get water. I only drank water, I hadn't eaten for two weeks. At first, the feeling was familiar, but it soon became more painful than normal. At the hospice, I normally got supplements through IV by the third day of not eating. 

I was on my fourteenth day, and no supplements had come. Jae Eun had tried to get me to eat. She had even forced food down my throat. 

In every situation, I had used what little force I had left to scream and spit the food back up. In every situation, Jae Eun would leave my room, her worry increasing and the bags under eyes deepening. 

Over these two weeks, I couldn't stop thinking about one person. Park Jimin. The need to see him was too much and it had taken me over. I didn't feel a longing for him anymore. I felt anger. I felt mad that he wasn't here when I needed him the most. I felt unbelievable rage towards him. I knew it wasn't fair. 

He was the one who was hit by a security cart and was recovering. It wasn't his fault that his parents wanted him home in Busan to recover. 

The thing was, I couldn't help feeling that Jimin was my anchor. Since the moment I had seen him, he was the one who brought me back down to Earth. He was the one who brought me back to reality.

He was the one who made me feel like it would all be okay. Jimin was my anchor. When he wasn't here, I was helpless, floating out into the cold, dark sea, with nothing to hold me down. I was lost without him. 

But even then, there's a certain point in floating around in a deep dark sea, where the mind begins to wonder if it even wants to be anchored any longer. Who knew if I even wanted to be held down any longer. I could float in the dark forever. I could explore the depth and the obscurity without bother from anyone else. 

Sure it was sad and lonely, but I get used to it. At some point in floating without an anchor, the mind just goes mad.

Laying in bed with my thoughts, I felt weak. I always felt weak. It was nothing new. Jae Eun hadn't tried to feed me yet today. I was grateful for that. I could hear the T.V. blaring from the living room. She was probably sitting on the couch like she does when she's tired. I heard a knock at the door. I didn't try to guess who it was. I only waited to hear their voice as Jae Eun's footsteps made their way to the door. 

The lock clicked and the creak of the door signified it had opened. There was only silence, and then a choked sob. I wasn't really worried or surprised. Emotions inside of me had become suppressed and to be honest, I didn't mind it. I hear Jae Eun say something through her sobs, though I couldn't understand it. 

There was some quiet murmuring before the door close. This time two sets of footsteps were coming into the house. One of them was Jae Eun's quiet barefoot ones, the other heavy, with abundant soles. There was more quiet talking. I still lay there, listening emotionlessly. The tiredness in my system translated to numbness in my mind. Then, both sets of footsteps approached my door. 

The heavy ones were fast, and anxious sounding, accompanied by the pitter patter of Jae Eun's catching up. The handle of my door turned. There was a hesitation before it swung open. My blinds were closed but even in this light, I knew who it was. I could never mistake him. I could never think he was someone else. 

His black shoes stood on the ground firmly, muscular legs encased in a pair of ripped black jeans. A brown, leather belt tucked a blue, button down. His flawless skin shone, even in the dark room, and his eyes hung like tired moons. As though they had once smiled like crescents but the expression was now stale. 

His wavy, blond hair hung like a halo around his head. I didn't know what to do. In front of me stood the man who I loved, but it wasn't that simple. I had spent the worst two weeks of my life without him when they wouldn't have even happened if he wasn't there.

Jimin rushed to the side of my bed. "Mi Sun," he murmured. His armed wrapped around me without hesitation. 

My exhausted and depressed mind craved gentle, joyful hug, but he was desperate. His arms held me too tight, and his face dug into my neck. Tears wet the skin of my shoulder and I knew he was crying. 

I wanted to cry too, but I didn't. I told myself not too. I resisted the strong urge to return his hug and let the tears fall from my eyes. My arms lay slack at my sides, but they were almost trembling with the effort to not wrap around Jimin. 

As Jimin held me. I looked up at Jae Eun. She stepped away from the door and left us alone. I wanted to tell her not to. I wanted her to stay here and take Jimin away. I couldn't be around him. I knew that I had no right to be mad at him. 

He had been in an awful accident and was still healing. But some evil part of my brain rejected his presence. The two weeks that I needed him most, he hadn't been there. It wasn't his fault, but that didn't stop me from being angry. 

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Sorry I didn't update on schedule, I'm just really behind on everything right now but guess what! Good news, school is over!!! I'm so pumped for summer ajajajaja. Enjoy and don't forget to vote and comment <3