Poems of Anxiety

Interactions

Have you ever been into situation like this?

The part where you feel like everyone's staring at you,

The part where you try to fit in but can't,

The part where you stay silent,

Because once you open your mouth,

Nothing good comes out from it.

Once you open your mouth, 

You never realize and know you've hurt someone.

Before you open your mouth,

Think first if you'll hurt somebody by saying what you want to say.

They said,

"Think before you act."

Why did I even interact with them in the first place when I already know what will be the outcome of the situation I got myself into?

It's either I'm the only one who will got hurt or them.

Or both.

Almost all of them are left untrue.

Is it me who's at fault or them?

Is there something wrong with me or with them?

I don't know what to believe anymore. 

All of them are already group.

I felt left out and a nobody.

I'm always left alone.

Day and night, 

I suffer.

Do you know how it feels like to be watch on your every wrong moves?

We always laugh at the person who makes the wrong moves.

We never knew that...

Even tho, we make the right moves.

The first thing that the person always talk about is your wrong doings.

The world is not cruel,

We are.

We're here in this sphere.

Because we still have a purpose.

A purpose to change our old bad selves to a new good selves.

Maybe someday, 

This sphere will fall apart.

Because of our wrong doings.

At some point,

We already encounter all these cruel things.

Someone already badmouth me.

At first, 

It hurts.

But as time pass by,

I don't care anymore.

Some called me a loner.

That's fine by me.

I want to be alone.

I want to have time for myself.

I want to be independent.

So what if I want to be different?

No one can stop me.

'Cause, I don't care.

There are days that they make fun of me.

I want to escape from this.

But all I can do is watch, suffer, and do nothing.

I don't know how to react.

I'm still trap inside the darkness.

Trying to find the light.

I tried so hard not to end up hurting anyone.

But it's inevitable.

I can't escape from it.

I wanted to end my life once.

But I can't do it.

Because I only live once.

I've been living my entire life like helvete.

Even tho,

I change my perspective of mine once.

I can't.

I just can't.