Ode of Laundry Machine **

Clorox - Home Sweet Home

After the children went to sleep, we lay down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. I looked down at Sock's stitched up "stomach." I sighed. Our children are okay and Sock made it through the surgery. "How are you, Sock? I know you were on painkillers the whole surgery, but the meds would have worn off by now. do you need me to get you some Tylenol?"

Sock shook her head. "No, I'm not in pain, just shocked. How much have our lives changed in the last day? I just can't believe that the kids came a month early." I nodded. I understood how she felt. She has been through a lot in just two days. I remembered when she woke me up, her breath short, and her hem gelled back with sweat.  It was my job to protect her and the children. I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure the three of them were okay.

I woke to both the children crying. I looked at the time. THREE-THIRTY AM?! I yawned and scratched my "chin." When I walked into the kids' room, a foul odor hit me. I'm pretty sure my nostrils wilted. I gagged. "Sock honey? The kids smell bad!" I yelled across the hall. No response. I gathered my courage and marched to their cribs. the smell was even worse and they cried even louder. I checked everywhere except one place. Please don't be poop, please don't be poop, I thought to myself.

Yup, it was poop. This was the one thing I was afraid of. I grabbed a few diapers from the nearby nightstand and braced myself for impact. When I took Stewella's diaper off, I almost passed out. It smelled like moldy cheese and egg farts rolled into a vomit taco. When I finally conquered the beast, I almost put Stewella back in her crib when I remembered something. I had to put another diaper on her. I had no idea how to do that. so I decided to get creative and grabbed a roll of duct tape and taped the diaper on Stewella. I went to sleep the moment my "head" hit the pillow. 

The morning light shined through the window made from cellophane. I looked over at Sock. Nope, she was gone again. When I got downstairs I saw Sock holding the children. When I edged closer I noticed she wasn't just holding them, SHE WAS BREAST-FEEDING THEM!!! I was gone. I tried to sneak back upstairs when I heard Sock say, "You know Clorox, this is perfectly normal so don't try to pretend it's not." I'VE BEEN SPOTTED. I threw my hands up in defeat. "Fine love. You got me this time," I said surrendering. She laughed her beautiful laugh. I haven't heard her laugh since the surgery. When I sat down beside them, she zipped up her fabric and looked to me. "Do you think you can make me another one of those salmon dishes Clorox?" she wondered, with the puppy dog look in her eyes. I couldn't refuse that look. I got up and grabbed the salmon and began to work away at the food that symbolized our relationship so well.

After hours of laboring over the salmon, I stepped back to admire my work yet again. it didn't look as good as the last one but probably tasted the same. When I returned to Sock, the babies were gone! "Where are the babies love?" I asked, almost scared. "Oh! I just thought they would want to take a walk on the roof!" she replied, nonchalant. "Oh! okay then... Wait a second, YOU LEFT THEM ON THE ROOF!?" I yelled, barely containing myself. Sock gave me a confused look like she had no idea what she had done. I didn't have time. I dashed to the front yard, looking up at the roof. There they were, rolling around. Just then, Jim came rolling close to the edge. I yelped. We were so bad at parenting, it was surreal. 

Closer, closer... Jim dropped. Everything was in slow motion. I ran to where I figured he would land. I miscalculated. He landed right next to me on the grass. He looked at me, unfazed, then rolled in the door into the house. Just then I heard a laugh above me. Stewella was inches above me then, BAM! She landed right on my "head."