One Last Rose

Chapter 18 - Promise

Damon's pov

It has been a few days since Keith had been beaten up. I hadn't been there when he woke up. I hadn't been with him when he got home. I hadn't been able to go to his house and see how he was doing. 

Because I was tied down to my own house, in my own cage of fear with my own thoughts that kept me from being with the person I... loved. 

Seeing him laying in the hospital, under the white sheets, had made me realise how much he actually meant to me, how much I felt for him and how much I needed him. 

And it was scray to think that I could have lost him that same day and it would have been because of me. Never had he been beaten up so badly before, because now they knew about our sexuality and somehow that was a major reason to almost kill him. 

I sobbed and pressed a pillow against my face while trying to make myself even smaller in the corner of my dark room. I didn't need to see anything, everything was dark anyways, because the colors would fade from my world without him. And even though I couldn't live without Keith, he would be able to stay alive without me. 

I jumped when my phone rang. I didn't want to answer, but my curiosity and fear mixed and made me answer anyways, without even looking at the ID. 

"Damon?" I hear his cracked voice ask on the other side of the line. It was followed by a sob that shattered my heart. "Keith." I whispered so soft that I didn't know he heard me. There was a long silence only interrupted by our sobs. 

"You can't do this to me, Damon. I- I can't overcome this without you." I heard him say and my the pain in my chest increased by his words. "I'm no good for you." I said. 

"Goddamnit Damon! You're the only thing that makes me happy! Please, please don't give up on me. I'm scared too, but I - we gotta get through this together!" He said on the very edge of panic. 

"I don't know what I'll do without you." He whispered and the alarm bells went of in my head. 

"I'm coming." I said and hung up. My heart was pounding and guilt washed over me. I had to break up, I had to become just friends with him. That way we would still have each other and we would be safe. We would only have to convince The Knives. 

I dragged myself to my mother's car, succesfully avoiding everyone else in the house and drove away. 

His mother was gone and I parked the car and ran towards the door. I checked my surroundings before banging on the door, forgetting they had a doorbell. Keith opened the door and immediately turned around so that I faced his back. I closed the door behind me and followed him, worried that he wouldn't show me his face. 

He took place on his bed and finally faced me. It was as if someone ripped my heart out of my ribcage and smashed it with a hammer, danced on the pieces and then stopped it back in. His eyes were red from crying, the bruises were fading, but not entirely gone. The thing that killed me inside was the look he gave me. Fear, mixed with sadness, but most of all, hurt. It was as if I was looking in a broken mirror, one that I broke. 

I fell to my knees in front of him and burried my head in his hands that were resting on his lap. And I cried. I cried over what I had done, what had happened and over what I had intended to do. 

He sank to the floor in front of me and took me in his arms. "Stop shutting me out." He whispered in my ear. I could only nod and fold my arms around him, pressing him against me as gentle as possible. I was wrong. We couldn't live without each other. 

When we calmed down we took place on his bed, facing each other. "I'm so sorry, Keith." I said hoarse from the tears and with my head down. "I'm so sorry that I keep shutting you out, that I left you in a time you needed me and I'm sorry for being the cause that you've gotten hurt again. Everything is my fault and I don't know what to do... I"