The Fault in Our Stars: Epilouge

Chapter One

I wake up slowly, and then all at once, to the sound of my own heartbeat. My arm aches with every pulse of blood due to the IV that is attached to it. The now familiar scent of the ICU floods my nose.

I instantly miss Philip. My cruddy pair of lungs are now hooked up to a huge machine that makes a lot of noise. Under no circumstances am I allowed to unhook it so I can breathe on my own. Will my lungs ever be able to support themselves again, just for a few minutes? From the looks of the doctors, the answer to that hopeful question is no.

I drag my eyes across the same small white room, with the same tiny bed that I am assigned to, with the same five-foot-six nurse with her charcoal-black hair fastened in its tight low bun.

Mom and Dad don't even know what to do anymore. They can barely look at me without tears gushing out. Last time I counted, it took 17 seconds until I saw a tear.

I feel like I've failed at living.

Once again, my body sends another salty tear racing down my cheek.

Once again, I hate my ears for hearing those words that my mother spoke what seems so long ago, the words I was never supposed to hear.

"I won't be a mom anymore."

"I won't be a mom anymore."

"I won't be a mom anymore."

The nurse gives me another shot of sleep medicine. I am haunted with those six words until I go unconscious.