'We'

Chapter Twelve

"Fuck. You mean… I… fuck." Erik could hardly bring himself to speak. Out of all the things Felix could have told him, he had not expected this. Why had he not noticed? "Fuck."

"I don't think now's the time," Felix said, half a smile on his face. Erik could see that he was holding back tears.

The black-haired man looked down at Felix's legs - leg - and he felt his companion shift nervously. Now that he was aware of it, he could see how misformed the man's right leg looked. It stuck out at weird angles, and Erik realised for the first time that this was because there was metal underneath the fabric.

Suddenly, Felix stood. Erik looked up at him; the man seemed very distressed. He needed to soothe him. How could he soothe him? Erik was desperate.

"You you want a drink? Some tea-"

"I'm leaving," Felix declared, grabbing his coat from the back of the chair where he sat. He half-stumbled away from Erik, and it took the taller man a moment to realise what was happening. "I'm sorry. I won't call." Felix assured him, scrambling towards the door.

Felix stopped. Erik had stood too, and had grabbed his hand. The barista couldn't walk forward anymore. He closed his eyes, cringing.

"Felix…" the brown-haired man turned to his friend, at last, opening his eyes hesitantly. They met with the beautiful emerald of Erik's. Why did he have to be so gay for this man? Why couldn't he just run away like he had done all of his life? Why-

Felix's thoughts stopped.

Erik had kissed him.

It was messy; Erik had clearly never done this sort of thing before. Felix's mind went blank as well, and he forgot everything he knew. He felt Erik flinch, and then a hand pressed against the back of Felix's head. Maybe he wasn't giving Erik enough credit. He pressed his tongue against the man's lips, but suddenly lost his confidence. Felix had to come up for air.

Erik looked scared. He wasn't sure if he were scared of what Felix thought, or scared of what it meant for him. He had put this off for as long as possible, but Felix had looked so stressed. Erik had been desperate.

Before he could think any more, Felix's lips were pressed against his once again. This time, the smaller man had initiated the kiss, and Erik felt much more comfortable. He felt Felix's tongue brush against his lips again, and this time he opened them.

For someone who had never kissed before, let alone go this far, Erik didn't think he was doing such a bad job. Felix clung to his back with one hand, and the other grabbed the fabric over his chest. He liked the feeling but was starting to become dizzy.

Erik and Felix stated at each other for a few seconds, having pulled back one more for breath. The black-haired man was struggling for oxygen, and Felix was blushing intently. Finally, the barista couldn't speak.

"I take it you've considered my offer the other day," he asked breathlessly. Erik couldn't draw his eyes away from Felix's.

"I can't remember what you said," he muttered between breaths, "to be honest."

"I said I'd convince you to love me," Felix replied, staring right back at Erik. The taller man was afraid that his heartbeat was audible from their close proximity. He blinked slowly but did not avert his gaze.

"You did."

"And did that… have I convinced you?"

Erik paused. He took in the beautiful man before him, wishing his answer were as simple as Felix expected. Instead, the black-haired man's voice came out in a whisper.

"I'm scared." Felix let out a laugh.

"I am too."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"I didn't either."

They gazed at each other in silence again for a while, neither wanting to break the moment. Erik swayed on his feet slightly, unsure if he wanted to move or not; they were still very close. With a shaking voice, he finally spoke.

"Can we, like, sit down?"

Felix smiled gently, not needing to voice his agreement. The two men walked over to Erik's sofa, worn and comfortable, and took a seat. Felix had not taken his eyes off of Erik. Despite the blush, the taller man found he was doing the same. Felix took his hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he stated honestly. "But having the word 'disabled' floating above your head does things to the people around you."

Erik was slightly taken aback by Felix's choice of words. Despite everything he had seen, he had not thought to link the word 'disabled' with the man sitting next to him. Now he thought about it he realised how stupid he was being.

"I know," he replied, looking down at their interlocked hands. When he looked back up, Felix was smiling. "I know how you feel."

Felix leaned towards him again. Erik was still slightly taken aback, not confident in his feelings. He had to force himself not to flinch as they made a contact with each other, but relaxed into the sensation quickly. This was something he could get used to.

"So?" Felix asked, the warmth of his lips suddenly disappearing from Erik's. The older man was momentarily stunned, yearning for that feeling again. He stared at Felix.

"So?" the black-haired man reflected, enquiring the meaning behind the statement. Felix let out a gruff laugh.

"So, will you go out with me? Like... Properly. Officially."

"I," he stuttered, his brain whirling. He wasn't entirely sure he was in control of his own voice anymore. As he stared into Felix's eyes, something came over him that he could not control. Now, at least, he was less afraid of calling it what it actually was. " Yes. I will."

Felix smiled, but it was only visible for a moment before the pair were kissing once more. Erik's mind was completely numb, and he was almost unaware of Felix's lips parting his own once more. He had never imagined being in such a situation - being so close to another person - and even less so with a member of the same gender. He never imagined he would be enjoying it so much.

He felt Felix's hand tangled in the strands of hair that clothed the back of his head and leaned into it, revelling in the physical contact. He wasn't sure what had come over him, but one thing was certain in Erik's mind. One thing among the muddle of thoughts and feelings.

He never wanted this to end.