'We'

Chapter Fifteen

"You know what's strange? I thought this would be really weird."

Erik didn't look at Felix as he spoke, resigning to glancing around at the shops they passed. His hand was comfortably tucked in his lover's, and they had passed the last few minutes in an amicable silence. "It isn't."

"What did you think would be weird?" the brown-haired man questioned, his tone light as he made his way along the street. The town was busy at this time of day, but Felix didn't seem to be bothered.

"Being in a relationship?" Erik listed. "Having a boyfriend? Holding hands in public?"

"You've never called me your boyfriend before," Felix commented, his inflexion light. He looked over at Erik again, however, and the older man noticed a strange look in his eye. He couldn't place it.

"Are you alright?"

"But it's not strange?" the other man instead continued. "That's a relief."

"No," the black-haired man replied, gazing down at their hands. "It isn't."

With a sharp tug, Felix suddenly pulled the pair to one side, his eyes fixed on a shop-window. Erik followed his silently - happily - and gazed inside.

"Can we go in here?" Felix asked, not really waiting for an answer. He tugged the other man forwards, entering the store.

Erik looked around at the books lining the walls, silently taking them in. He had never really been in a bookstore like this - for obvious reasons - and wasn't yet sure how he felt about it. His silent contemplation didn't seem to put Felix off.

The smaller man was gazing around him like he had never seen a more spectacular sight. Erik had only seen that look once before, and his cheeks turned red as he thought of the night Felix had returned to his apartment after almost hitting that cyclist in the car. Erik had a lot to thank that cyclist for.

"What's that?" Erik asked, gazing down at his lover as he stared at the back of a book, taking in the information hungrily. Felix took a moment to reply.

"Book."

Erik let out a short laugh, enthralled at how captivated Felix had become with the book. It was almost magical, that his attention could be so wholeheartedly captured by this pile of paper. Erik didn't understand the charm.

He enjoyed watching Felix, however. That was all that really mattered to him at this current moment in time, and he was happy with that. He tailed Felix as the younger man made his way excitedly around the store, and remained silent until they left, a paper bag clutched tightly in Felix's hands.

"I've been looking for this one," he commented as he cradled the package. "I've been wanting to read it for a while."

"Mhm," Erik replied absentmindedly, gazing across at his lover. Felix turned to him and smiled; Erik was certain the other man's cheeks flushed red as he averted his gaze.

"Do you want to go anywhere."

"Where ever you wanna go," Erik replied absentmindedly, blushing as he realised what he had said. "I mean…"

"You're going to kill me if you keep hitting me with lines like that. Come on. Let's go."

Holding the book in one hand and Erik's hand in the other, Felix pulled the pair onwards along the street. He had trouble making eye contact with the other man, but Erik did not seem to notice. He was too embarrassed and happy and scared to allow for feelings of doubt.

The evening passed comfortably slowly. It was just beginning to get dark as the pair made their way into a coffee shop - not the one Felix worked at; he had made sure of that. Erik found them a seat by the window while Felix ordered their drinks, saving his lover the embarrassment of stressing about reading the menu. Erik sat silently as he waited for the brown-haired man to return.

The chair scraped noisily as Felix sat down, making a small clang as metal collided with metal. Erik was acutely aware that he should have noticed the sound before.

The pair drunk their tea in silence for a long while, however, it was not like their usual comforting nothingness. No - this time, something was wrong. They had been so happy minutes earlier, but now something was different. Erik wasn't sure if it was his fault or not.

His mood had lowered dramatically as he sat along with nothing but his own thoughts. The look of joy he saw in Felix's eyes as he gazed at the books was something he would never experience, and something within him wondered if Felix was disappointed with that. Dissatisfied with the introverted train wreck of a human being that could hardly read sat before him. In the time they had been together Erik had finally managed to coach more out of Felix about the success of his school days. Surely a man with a First in medicine from Oxford would be dissatisfied with this sorry excuse for a man sat before him.

Felix still remained silent, staring down into his coffee with an expression that worsened by the second. It began with expressionless, morphing into sadness, morphing into horror, morphing into pure hatred. Erik felt sick.

"Are you alright?" he dared to ask, hardly breathing. Felix's eyes remained fixed on the liquid in his cup for a while, and Erik started to feel worse. "What's wrong?"

"I-" the brown-haired man began, but the words seemed to get caught in his throat. It was almost as if he… didn't want to say them. The pair settled back into silence.

Erik had finished his tea by the time that Felix finally moved from glaring down into the murky liquid. He flinched slightly, glancing across at the brown paper bag that he had laid on the table, then up at Erik, then down at the tea again. He opened his mouth, but again the words would not come out. His lover waited patiently for him.

It was as if this table were the only place in the world. From outside, the moon casts a ghostly light on the pair. Erik still had little solid idea as to what had gone wrong, but something had. He persuaded himself not to think the worst. If Felix was disappointed, he would have known before now. Felix would have said something after they had…

"Will you come back to mine, just for a little while?" Felix asked, finally looking up again.

"Oh," Erik responded, relief washing over him like an avalanche. "Sure. Yeah."

Felix stood, leaving his cold tea where it was. He grabbed Erik's hands aggressively, still thinking about something that Erik wasn't allowed to intrude on. His brows were knitted together in anger or thought, or some unnamed emotion in the middle.

Felix's breaths came out in rasps, and it seemed he was having more trouble walking than he usually did; his limp was much more pronounced, and the click of metal grating against metal was audible. If he felt any pain, he was too preoccupied with getting out to show it.

The taller man followed his lead silently, thankful that this hadn't been the end. Erik watched Felix intently as they walked, hardly wanting to admit to himself how scared he had been.

He never thought he would be so terrified to lose someone.