Faults ~Levi x Reader AU~

Chapter 37: Peiper Serenity Ackerman

*Contains sensitive material. Reader discretion advised.*

I swallowed hard, fighting back the tears as I gazed down at my daughter. Even more wires and tubes were weaving around her little body, the monitors chirping as machines breathed for her. She was motionless, the inky locks on her head contrasting against her ivory flesh. She already appeared fragile before, but at that moment, she was more than just frail -she was lifeless. Yes, she was hooked up to all those machines, but the truth was that she was no longer there. Life-support (I have no idea if preemies can go on life-support, but for the sake of the story we'll say they can be) was all that was keeping my little girl there. But, she wasn't there...she was braindead...and there was nothing they could do.

I breathed in a haggard breath and hesitantly stuck my hand into her incubator, my fingertips combing her hair to the side. And to my dismay, she already felt so cold to me despite the machinery working to keep her warm...working to keep her "alive". But, it was no use. The tubs were working to pump the air in and out of her like external lungs, but there was no hope. It would take a miracle to bring her back to us.

Levi came up behind me and rested his hands on my shoulders, his touch gentle when he squeezed soothingly. The silence lingered between us, the monitors tweeting and the machines growling being the only noise breaking the quiet. It was all so eerie to me...to both of us.

"I'm so sorry, Professor and Mrs. Ackerman," a nurse apologized, her eyes filled with sorrow. "I understand this is very difficult time for you both." She hesitated before continuing, "But have you both come to a decision?"

I nodded numbly, "Yes...yes we have."

"There's no hope for her," Levi added, his tone low and raspy. "Correct?"

She pressed her lips in a hard line and answered, "Yes. She is legally braindead and there's no reversing it."

"Then...then," I began, my voice wavering from the tears escaping from my eyes.

I burst into tears, using my free hand to cover part of my face. The tears streamed down my flushed cheeks, my chest heavy with pain. It felt like the entire world was crumbling down around me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. The atmosphere was heavy and every last bit of it weighed down on me, laboring my breathing. It was as if I was going to die myself. The agony was all too much to bear.

Levi squeezed my shoulders again to comfort me and finished, "We've decided, that if there is no hope for her, then...then we'd rather let her go."

I could feel the nurse scan us as she replied, "Very well. Are you both ready then?"

There was a long pause before Levi answered in a quiet whisper, "Yes."

"Okay," she breathed.

I could hear her shuffling around to the machines where she then began to shut them off. The chirping of monitors grew less and less and the groans of machinery became silenced one by one until the final apparatus remained. I glimpsed up to see her already staring at me, her gaze warm and brimming with nothing but unadulterated sorrow for us. I knew she truly was sorry for what she was about to do, but there was no need for that. Peiper was already braindead and if kept "alive" would only be in a state of vegetation for the remainder of her days. So, I did not blame her for any of what she was doing.

She bit her lips as if asking for my permission to continue with those sad eyes and I nodded, my vision blurry from the tears. She also nodded and turned, directing her focus back to what she had been doing. She worked swiftly, her fingers tapping at the keyboard which powered the final contraption. Within moments of that action, the mechanism became silent, no longer breathing for her.

I squeezed my eyes shut and huddled over again, the tears still streaming down. I took Peiper's hand into mine, well aware it wouldn't clutch onto me. My little girl was gone. There was no bringing her back and I knew it. I began to sob, my wails hoarse and muffled by my gasps. I could barely breathe, but I didn't care. Peiper would never draw another breath. Me living was almost a crime in my eyes since my own child could never live her own life. Fate had denied her that right.

"I'll give you both some time alone," the nurse whispered, her steps steady as she exited the room. "Please, take your time."

I continued to cry, my hand never letting go of hers. I wanted a miracle to occur, for my little girl to come back. I pleaded to whatever higher force there was, begging for her to be brought back to me. I prayed she'd twitch or grip onto my finger, but she didn't. She remained motionless, her little frame so perfectly representing a porcelain doll. A porcelain doll that I'd never see grow into a vibrant little girl.

Levi knelt next to my wheelchair, his hand still on my back. I knew his eyes were lingering on our daughter, his own tears most likely glossing over his steel gaze. We sat in the stilled silence, neither of us exchanging a glance or a word until his sweet voice broke our quietude.

"Do you want to hold her?" he asked, his tone laced with sadness.

I glanced over at him, knitting my brows in confusion and sniffled, "I would love to, but..."

"But what?" he pressed, meeting my gaze.

"But there's no nurse. Don't we need someone here?" I questioned.

He stood up and began to unlatch the clasps, allowing him access to her, shrugging, "Given the circumstances, I don't think anyone would stop us."

He began to unhook the wires that had been monitoring her heart and tugged them aside before gingerly scooping her up. His eyes lingered on her, marveling at the splendor which was our sweet daughter. It was as if something within him flipped. His eyes widened at the realization he was holding her -that he was actually cradling her close to him. It was as if that second he took her into his hold it all clicked...he was a father...her father.

"Wow," he swallowed. He was caught in a trance until he looked over and remembered what he had already asked me. "Oh. Right."

He carefully passed her to me, setting her tiny body in my arms. My heart fluttered the moment she was settled into my hold and I was entranced. She was still beautiful to me, but I reminded myself I was not truly holding my little girl. I was holding what remained. I was just cradling her shell. But, it was still magical.

I graced my fingers along her head and smiled halfheartedly, "She's even tinier than I thought."

"Yeah," he agreed, leaning next to me. He reached down and took ahold of her hand. "She is very small."

I nodded, "This all feels so surreal to me. I keep waiting for her to move or open her eyes." I bit my bottom lip and swallowed the lump in my throat. "But I have to remind myself that that's never going to happen."

"I know," he breathed, kissing the top of my head. "I'm doing the same."

The silence which had blanketed us earlier once again clothed us, the atmosphere once more growing heavy. It was eerie and was enough to drive any sane person to insanity...but we remained in that position; me holding Peiper and Levi standing close to us, our gazes trapped on her tiny build. We remained frozen in that state for the longest time, neither of us wanting to let go of that moment. Neither of us wanting to move because then it'd all become too real. Far too real.

**Ello my lovelies! I know, this is a very sad and all too real thing that happens to people all over. So, please know that I did not type this part with a light heart. It is a very heavy subject for a lot of folks out there. So, please continue to be kind to each other and others because you never know what they're going through. That said, thank you so much for all the love and support! This book will be coming to a close after a few more posts. So, stay tuned for the next chapter! Thank you soooo much again! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Small Bump" by Ed Sheeran