I was going to write a status on facebook about how Im feeling right now
But I stopped myself because its not even worth it
Ugh J I just spent 5 hours, no i just spent the whole night last night and half of today wasting my time
Literally did not do anything. I slept, I woke up, I ate, I sat around, I showered and now here I am
I always do this to myself no matter how many times I tell myself to change.
Its so hard J, I really dont know why I do this
Is this depression? Or am I just really unhappy about my life right now?
I dont have it worse at all. Im just making it worse for myself because why?
I dont know. I dont know what to call this feeling.
I am so lost. But I know this is temporary and I will feel better later.
I am in this constant battle with myself to do better. to be better. to stop doing this--whatever this is.
I am stuck in a boring routine that Ive created for myself and I cant get out.
It is causing me lack of confidence and social interaction.
It is causing me to be unhealthy too.
I could be catching up with chemistry stuff right now like I told myself I would do last night
But yet I didnt and here I am again. avoiding it. and in an hour and a half, I have to be at work.
And I am going to have to get my shit together the last minute for tomorrow's class.
This feeling and the feeling I am going to have later could have been avoided.
Why do I do this J?
I hope one day I can write here and not have to complain about this.
I hope one day Ill read through this and laugh because I know Ive improved.
All I do is hope. What happened to do?
YOU ARE READING
Hey
Non-FictionI chose to write these thoughts for him to read one day. I also chose to do it for myself and that writing helps me. If you choose to read, I hope you like your decision.