Hey

Why

I was going to write a status on facebook about how Im feeling right now

But I stopped myself because its not even worth it

Ugh J I just spent 5 hours, no i just spent the whole night last night and half of today wasting my time

Literally did not do anything. I slept, I woke up, I ate, I sat around, I showered and now here I am

I always do this to myself no matter how many times I tell myself to change.

Its so hard J, I really dont know why I do this

Is this depression? Or am I just really unhappy about my life right now?

I dont have it worse at all. Im just making it worse for myself because why?

I dont know. I dont know what to call this feeling.

I am so lost. But I know this is temporary and I will feel better later.

I am in this constant battle with myself to do better. to be better. to stop doing this--whatever this is.

I am stuck in a boring routine that Ive created for myself and I cant get out.

It is causing me lack of confidence and social interaction.

It is causing me to be unhealthy too.

I could be catching up with chemistry stuff right now like I told myself I would do last night

But yet I didnt and here I am again. avoiding it. and in an hour and a half, I have to be at work.

And I am going to have to get my shit together the last minute for tomorrow's class.

This feeling and the feeling I am going to have later could have been avoided.

Why do I do this J?

I hope one day I can write here and not have to complain about this.

I hope one day Ill read through this and laugh because I know Ive improved.

All I do is hope. What happened to do?