Chapter 17: I'm feeling something right

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Sometimes I feel like I just wanna go back to my old ways
You're telling me I'm silly, it's no fun in the old days.
I'm such a romantic, I never remember how things really happen
I guess you're attractive, or something.
- flaming hot Cheetos • Clairo

I watched the moon shine through my sheer white curtains listening to the soft sound of skeeter Davis to help drown out the sound of Jim and the witch aka my mom fighting down stairs but it had been so long they had to of been done fighting by now, I turned off the music reluctantly being met with silence making me smile as I got off my bed walking to my door and opening it slowly to peek out- no lights on, great, I wondered out closing my door behind and I noticed a light coming from down the steps in the kitchen and I prayed it was Jim. I slowly walked down the steps seeing Jim slouching over the table head in his hand just staring at his half filled cup of scotch "Jim?" I mumbled to get his attention as he looked behind him toward me he gave a weak smile "hey darlin' we didn't wake you did we?" He asks sweetly his voice shaken a bit and I shook my head "I was already awake, are you okay?" I ask him sitting on the chair next to him looking at his eyes his lids were heavy and red from obviously crying and I of course was confused as it why he was "not really Em, your mother just told me she's cheating on me" he said looking to his cup then back to me and I furrowed my brows- why would he be upset about that? He says it as if he's never done it. "I'm sorry about that Jim but I mean it's not like you loved her" I said trying not to sound like a bitch but it obviously came out that way as he looked at me seemingly annoyed "of course I loved her Emily I wouldn't of married her if I didn't" he tells me making me stand up taken aback by this as I sighed "then why'd you do what you did with me?" I asked him and he sighed looking down at his hands "I love you too Emily but you have to understand it's different with her, I shouldn't have done what I did knowing how you are and I'm sorry for that" he explains to me and I feel my heart just shatter in a million pieces as I feel tears burn against my eyes "so what's gonna happen with you guys?" I ask deciding to just change the topic as I wipe away stray tears hoping he doesn't notice but he does as he sighs and wipes them away standing up and pulling me into him "please don't cry darlin' you're only 20 years old you'll find someone better than me, someone your age" he tries to reassure me but it doesn't work and I just cry against him "I don't want someone my age or better, I want you Jim" my voice cracks as I grip onto his shirt feeling him rubbing my back trying to comfort me "you say that because you haven't met someone else who will treat you better" he tells me and I sigh just getting annoyed at this point as I pull away "it's whatever Jim" I mumble trying to hide my voice breaking as I go to walk to the front door to leave he stops me "don't be that way, you'll forget all about me soon enough I'm sure of it" he says and I shake my head walking out the front door slamming it behind me and I just start running not exactly sure where I was going but I had an idea.

 "I'm sorry about that Jim but I mean it's not like you loved her" I said trying not to sound like a bitch but it obviously came out that way as he looked at me seemingly annoyed "of course I loved her Emily I wouldn't of married her if I didn't" ...

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I sighed hesitant to knocking on his door as I held up my balled up fist to the door closing my eyes before knocking gently against the wood and a few seconds later Jason opened his door a smile curling onto his lips as he set his gaze onto me "hey Emily what're you doing here so late?" He asked me in a worried tone once he realized how late it actually was "I was just wanting to see you" I lied, kind of, I did want to see him but it was more than just that "oh well come in we can watch a movie or something then I'll drive you bac-" I cut him by shaking my head and humming a 'no' "it's fine I'll just stay over" I told him absolutely not wanting to go back home tonight and he just nodded understanding as we walked inside. I sat on his couch watching as he put in a movie, hopefully it was gonna be good at least, and he made his way back over to me sitting down next to me as I pulled my legs onto the couch sitting criss-cross watching the movie begin- "you know I still feel bad for kissing you a few days ago" Jason says out of the blue breaking the silence and I shake my head looking to him "you don't have to Jason it's fine really" I reassure him as he nods looking down then back to the tv and I sigh scooting closer to him then resting my hands on his cheeks making him look back to me and I close my eyes kissing him softly but he didn't kiss back which made me pull away looking at him "now we're even" I say with a slight smile and his lips begin to curl into a smile as he leans into me again kissing me back and I do the same matching his movements flinching slightly at the sudden warmth of tongue pressing against my bottom lip as I parted my mouth allowing our tongues to dance together. We sat there making out for a good 3 minutes before he parted from me a bit breathless as was I looking at his lips then his eyes "I missed this Emily" he whispered against my lips as he pressed his forehead into mine making butterflies form in my stomach looking at his heavy lids before they flicked up to look at me "I missed it too Jason" I whisper softly tilting my head up slightly to kiss him again and he curled his fingers around my shirt fabric slowly bring it up and off my stomach I could tel he was doing that to make sure I wouldn't stop him but I wasn't going to I wanted this a lot more than I think he wanted this I wanted him..at least in this moment.
I rest my head against the pillow of Jason's bed watching his body rise then fall as he slept, I sighed getting out of bed looking around for a shirt with the help of the moonlight as I find one and pull it over my naked body and manage to find my underwear as well sliding those on then I adventured around his home. I wandered into the kitchen grabbing a glass from his cabinet and poured myself a glass of water putting the glass to my lips drinking away my dry throat before setting the glass down jumping at the soft sound of a knock at the door and I looked at the time on the wall clock furrowing my brows together confused at why someone is knocking at 2 in the morning also kinda surprised that Jason and I lasted for 2 hours, I shrugged dragging my feet to the door looking through the tiny peephole raising my eyebrows in shock as I opened the door to see Jim standing there a concerned yet slightly pissed off look plastered on his face as he stared down at me part of me happy to see him the other half wanted to close the door in his face and go back to Jason but I was frozen as we stared at each other his brows knitted together as he looked me up and down then he cleared his throat and reached out a hand grabbing me behind my back as his hand rest against the small of it making me swallow deep "I'm taking you back home" his voice deep and groggy as he spoke the words rolled off his tongue as if he practiced them just before I opened the door, as he pushed me along managing to unleash my frozen feet from the hardwood floors I didn't protest against him I wasn't really thinking at all but I just followed happy at the fact that he came here for me.

 I wandered into the kitchen grabbing a glass from his cabinet and poured myself a glass of water putting the glass to my lips drinking away my dry throat before setting the glass down jumping at the soft sound of a knock at the door and I looked ...

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*wow this sucks I'm sorry

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*wow this sucks I'm sorry...I'm also sorry it took so fucking long to write and post  this, please forgive me. Next chapter should be better but it might also be shorter so I hope you don't mind, thinking about nearing the end for this book but idk*

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