Peoms For Those Who Hate This Planet

I hate myself

I hate myself.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate my kindness.
It seems like when I try to
help someone
I am the one who pays for it.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate my smile.
It's a mask the covers my tears,
my fears,
my mind.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate my silent voice.
I can never say how I feel
because people don't expect it
and if society
doesn't expect something
it's considered
Wrong.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate my looks.
The fact that so many people tell me,
"you're beautiful"
And yet I can pick out a million
Flaws in the mirror.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate my eyes.
The fact that they leak tears
like an old faucet
even though
no one else is crying around me.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate my thoughts.
Sex.
Hatred.
Questions against my happiness.
It seems as if Satan lives with them.
But I still refuse to commit suicide.

I hate it all.

I'm kind to the wrong people.
I smile even though I feel like screaming.
I'm quiet during the moments that count the most.
I look am a selfish witch who only thinks about the mirror.
I cry more than the average person.
I think of the worst things known to man.

I hate myself.

I hate myself but I will not die.

I haven't even lived yet.