Sanders Sides- Oneshots

Dysphoria-CALM

He was a prisoner.

His own body his prison cell as dysphoria clawed its way into his body again with it's never lessening but always worsening cold touch that wrapped like fingers around his body making him feel like the clothes were tight in all the wrong places as he constantly pulled on his shirt to make the obvious curves he had to live with a little less obvious.

He didn't have a binder. Him simply being too scared and having too little money to even consider buying a decent one leaving him scrolling through Amazon to see how cheap some of the tight repressing pieces of freedom were and wondering if he should take a risk.

But his friends had said it would hurt him so he kept to hurting himself by putting three-sport bra's on at the same time, feeling even worse after he'd realise just how much of the unwelcome curves were still visible and wishing lightning would strike so he wouldn't have to get out of bed to see the reflection that did not belong to him staring back at him with tired, dull eyes. The bags underneath them getting so big his friend Virgil would have been jealous.

He had three friends.

Well, he had loads of friends but only those three knew him as the person he truly was, calling him by the correct name and apologising whenever they used the wrong pronoun. Trying to tell him he was handsome and that he'd get a partner in no time.

Tho he did not want a partner. Or maybe he did not want them to separate because of other people coming into their lives.

These thoughts and a million others rushed through his head as he pulled at his shirt, making the material that was already clutching to his chest area loosen before he rounded a corner, automatically putting on a smile as he knew his friends would be sitting at the exact same table they would always sit while having lunch.

And then he was laughing, giving them all a short hug and repressing the urge to shrink back as their own, flat chests pressed against his which was everything but that. And he was talking, them discussing the latest video from their favourite youtuber, Virgil silently drawing in his notebook until he ruffled his hair catching the others attention.

And then he was smiling throughout the entire lunch break, wishing now more than ever to curl up on his bed and sink into the cushions while soft, soothing but still dark music played, taking over his mind as the same song played over and over again until he could repeat it like a mantra, wishing to rip his breasts of-of his chest and throw them into a dark pit, the light of day never reaching or bringing back the memories tied to those simple lumps.

"Lo?" He looked up at the calling of his name, seeing how his friends looked at him with worry clouding their eyes.

"Hmm?" He asked, painfully aware of the fact that he had been staring into space for a good few minutes.

"We, well Patton had the idea to go to Roman's place after school and possibly stay for the night? We can get ourselves taco's or pizza and watch movies and just hug a lot." Virgil ended his sentence with an awkward laugh, scratching the back of his head as Patton nodded excitedly, his arms wrapped around Virgil's belly as his slightly younger friend sat on his lap due to there not being enough chairs.

Roman just smiled at him brightly, most definitely already having planned what exact movies to watch as Logan sat leaned against the wall, there being no place to sit and him not feeling like taking his seat on Romans lap, his stomach twisting at the thought of the other wrapping his arms around his own enormously curved body.

"Sure, sounds fun... Disney?" The last word was added as he watched how Roman wiggled on his plastic chair in excitement, nodding as he uttered the word.