Wilted

Chapter 5

What did I have to lose? Absolutely nothing. My life couldn't get any worse, I might as well make the most of it. Or what I had left of my life.

Dr. Carmon. My only hope for survival. I was sure that my schedule said something about a map stating where her office was and when she was there. I search the room and finally find a laminated map sitting in the drawer of my nightstand. I check my watch, 45 minutes until dinner. There is circle on what I assume is Dr. Carmon's office made in permanent marker. Room 452. The map says all of the rooms 400-470 are in the Staff Wing. According to the Map Key it is about a 20 minute walk from here, not including being stopped by guards along the way. I remember what my mother said constantly, "No fear." I whisper the phrase to myself over and over. Stepping into the hallway, I look in all directions. It seems as though I am the only one here. Brightly colored posters scream encouragement. It makes me sick. I walk confidently, but carefully. I am hoping my plan works, though I came up with the idea in about ten minutes.

I turn the corner to see a guard standing at the doorway leading to the rest of the hospital. I step backwards and stand behind the wall, watching him. Waiting for him to relax. He looks around making sure no one can see him, and then leans against the railing that he is standing in front of. I take a deep breath and begin to walk towards the guard. He turns toward me and straightens up. I stop a few feet before the door, and in my most innocent voice ask, "Sir, is this the way to the courtyard?" he gives me a questioning look, but finally does a small nod. I smile and push open the door. I walk until I have to stop so that I can read the signs. I take a left that will bring me to the lobby. I walk until I see the collection of polished wood desks and and plush chairs which I recognize all too well. There is only one receptionist working, with a familiar blonde braid running down her back. As I get closer I begin to quiet my footfalls. I walk behind the desk and see the door to the Staff Wing. Suddenly, I trip and start to fall. I shoot my hand out in front of me in an attempt to catch myself. It gets caught on a chair leg and pulls it to the floor. The crash gets the attention of the receptionist and when she sees me she glares. "I am so sorry. I was just looking for t-the c-courtyard. Is it this way?" I said pointing towards the Staff Wing. She nods and says,

"As soon as you get through the door take a left." I get up off of the floor and quickly walk away, thinking about all of the time I have wasted. I push the double door open and stop at a crossroads. I strain to remember the map, my brain says to go straight but I think it might also be a right. There is only one sign, and it says how to get to the courtyard. I guess I was supposed to find Dr. Carmon's office by myself. Of course they wouldn't have signs, patients aren't allowed to be in the Staff Wing. They wouldn't want people like me, to get hold of important information. Crazy people are very unpredictable.

I decided to take a straight and soon come to room that has a silver plate reading Dr. Carmon. I put my hand on the knob but can't bring myself to open the door. I let out a deep breath that I was holding in and whisper to myself, "No fear."

Once I am inside of her office, I become so nervous I can't quite remember what I am looking for. Looking around I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying themselves in here. It has the same boring decor as my room, everything a dingy white but also including a filing cabinet sitting behind a simple gray desk. Recalling what I came for, I walk to the filing cabinet. On each of the three drawers there is a small neat label, from top to bottom saying A-J, K-T, U-Z. I open the middle drawer and flip through the files until I find one that says my name.

Scared of what I will find, I open the file slowly. Before I can read past the title page, I hear a muffled noise nearing the office.

I vigorously pull on the drawer handle but it is stuck. I continue to pull, but it will not open. I hear the noise stop outside of the office, and am grateful that I locked the door behind me. The few moments that it will save me are just not going to be enough. I was done.

I pull on the handle one more time, a sliver of hope, it is not going to open. The sound of keys, makes my heart race. I use the last of my energy and run into the closet. I close the door behind me just as Dr. Carmon enters the office. Luckily, the closet has a lock and I check 3 times to make sure it is sealed. I watch Dr. Carmon through the slats of the closet door. She settles into her chair and begins to work on some papers that are sitting on her desk. I breathe a sigh of relief. I am just waiting until she leaves so that I can withdraw myself from this situation that I wish so badly I was not in right now.

I look at my watch, 15 minutes. I wait for what seems like forever, but it seems she has no intention of leaving. After waiting a few minutes longer she looks up from her work, with only 5 minutes until dinner. Finally, she begins to roll her chair away from her desk so that she can stand up. Then, even from 10 feet away I hear it. The crinkle of paper.

Lying open on the floor with her chair wheel on top, the file, clearly marked ANNA SODOSKY.