Answers

8

Tonight I am sad

Tonight I am lonely

The demons are screaming

And I need you to hold me

~a.d.r

*****

It seemed almost ridiculously easy to get around the city with the car. Why hadn't he just gotten a rental to begin with?

He secured Tali in the backseat and made a mental note to find a car seat for her.

"Where should we go?" he asked her, turning sideways to look at her.

She grinned at him.

"Right." He sighed and then started up the car.

It took a few minutes before traffic cleared enough for them to get out of the parking spot, but it was relatively easy sailing from there. He just had to keep an eye out for the other drivers, who all seemed to drive like Ziva.

He shook that thought from his mind as soon as it arrived.

He couldn't think about her right now.

He couldn't fall apart right now.

He drove for a little over an hour before realizing he had no idea where they were, not that it really mattered. They had no specific destination, he just needed to escape the memories.

Tali was fast asleep, head resting against the car door.

Tony was actually quite tired himself, and he was pretty sure the jet lag was close to catching up with him.

His first thought was a hotel, but then he realized he wasn't sure how long they'd be here. No sense in staying in a hotel room indefinitely.

No, it would probably be better to rent an apartment. Better for Tali, at least.

But it was too late to think about that today.

He found himself turning the car around, heading back in the direction they came.

***

He tucked Tali into bed and then retreated to the couch. Once upon a time, he would've complained endlessly about sleeping on the couch. Maybe it was just to complain, maybe it was in hopes of crawling into bed with Ziva, he didn't know.

Yeah, well, look where crawling into bed with her got him.

Sleeping on the couch again.

He sighed and turned the TV on, spun the volume down to barely audible.

Before he could change the channel, his eyes were drawn to the show currently on the screen, a handsome hero and breathtakingly beautiful heroine on a busy city street.

Tony could've recognized that street anywhere.

Paris.

He flipped the TV off again and slumped back into the couch. It was like the universe was taunting him.

Well, he wasn't in the mood to play.

***

He woke up with a start, for a moment unsure what woke him.

But then he heard it again, Tali crying.

He rubbed at his eyes as he stood up and went to the bed.

Her face was pressed into the pillow, but she rolled over and reached out for him when he sat down beside her.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, pulling her close.

Her only answer was more tears.

"Do you miss Ima?" He brushed back her wild curls, for a moment flashing back on the feeling of Ziva's hair beneath his fingers.

"Ima," she repeated,  leaning into him.

"I miss her, too. I miss her a lot." He hadn't planned to fall down the rabbit hole again, but the sound of Tali's sniffles reduced him to tears.

Something about sitting in a dark hotel room in a unfamiliar city, his thoughts consumed by the woman he loved and missed, was altogether depressing.

He'd never felt more lonely in his entire life.

So he did the only thing he could think to do: he got out his phone and dialed.

"Tony?"

"Hey, Abs."

"Is everything okay?" Abby asked.

"Yeah." He knew he didn't sound okay, but he didn't want to talk about that. "I know you probably have work to do, but can you do me a favor?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Do you... Do you have any videos of... her?"

There was a pause, and Tony wondered if she was trying to figure out how to break it to him lightly.

"Yeah, a couple."

"Can you-"

"They're already in your inbox."

"Thank you, Abby."

"Yeah." He could hear her concern, loud even in the silence, and he was thankful she didn't try to talk about what happened. He appreciated it more than she could ever know. "Call me any time."

"I will. Thanks."

"Take care."

"You too." He went to his email as soon as the call ended, and felt like someone had punched him in the gut when he saw the email from Abby sitting there.

Even though he'd asked for this, he didn't know if he could bring himself to open it.

Almost as if she knew what was going through his mind, Tali reached out and tapped the screen, opening the email.

He took a deep breath and then clicked on the first attachment.

The video expanded to the full screen, Ziva's face front and center. Her voice washed around him, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or throw up.

"Ima."

He could only nod. If he opened his mouth to speak, he was sure he would lose it.

They sat in near silence for the next half hour, clicking between videos. He wasn't so much listening to what she was saying as he was just listening to the way she spoke, the way her voice ebbed and flowed, the way her accent seemed to play with the listener's ears.

Tony looked down and saw that Tali was asleep again, breathing soft and peaceful.

He carefully tucked her back under the blankets, and then crawled in beside her. He kept the video playing as he closed his eyes, and it was to the sound of Ziva's voice that he finally slept.

*****

Okay, this was short, but it's getting late and I still have a couple assignments to do before tomorrow. Hopefully Friday's update will be a tad longer (but I'm sure I'll have some other excuse by then).

Be sure to vote and comment if you're enjoying the story. I really love hearing your feedback and get this- I reply to every comment. Wow. 

Anyway.

:)