Kilgrave's Desire

Hope Shlottman

He stared at me. Not blinking...not saying a single word...not moving and inch...hell for all I know he is dead since he seemed to not be breathing. I take a deep breath and brace myself for a backlash, an argument.... something...anything. I am fully prepared for him to use his powers to influence me to forget what I said. But he does not do anything he just stares at me his dark eyes full of fear.

"Did I say the name in a foreign language?" I ask urgently. "Who the hell is Hope Shlottman?"

He stared at me...studying me as if he was not sure how to respond.  I can see it in his eyes. Hope has something to do with his past just like this Jessica person. Jessica Jones may be right that part of his past haunts him.

"She uh..she was the last girl I was ever with before I met you," he stumbles clumsily.

"In what way?" I challenge since there were many ways we were together and I'm curious as to which he is referring but part me doesn't want to hear a word of it. "Did you manipulate and control her like you used to do with me?"

"Yes I did but it was to get back at someone who infuriated me and was the only other person my powers had no power over until well I met you," he explains. As the words spill from his perfect lips like word vomit it suddenly hits me. He was with Hope to get back at Jessica Jones whom he used to control.

"So you were with her to get back at Jessica," I repeat softly as I think and pray I am not just some new form of a replacement for Jessica.

"Yes that was long before I met the one person who both intrigued me and challenged me." He tried to comfort me.  

"Did you sleep with Hope?"  I ask as calmly as I can manage without crying.

"We shared a bed occasionally..."

"Did you screw her Kilgrave?" I ask firmly cutting him off from his smart remark.

"Yes and as you already know she was pregnant with my child," he replied. "Rather than telling me she took it upon herself and killed our child before it has a chance in the world."

"You can not honestly believe after all of this I am not to believe what Jessica Jones told me. You made the girl kill her parents." I seethed as tears streamed down my face like hot rivers of acid.

"It was different then. I was in a different place," he defended

"Really cause not too long ago you got my best friend to walk in front of a bus and made several people slit their throats because I got away from you like Jessica and Hope did." I am beyond mad. How can I seriously love this man?

"I was angry at you for running. I thought we worked past all of this nonsense when we talked." He urged. " what about your folks you attacked them."

"Do not compare what happened to my parents to what you made her do." I hissed as I walked towards him radiating in anger and hormones.
" You manipulated her and told her to take her parents lives to punish her for leaving you. I was tortured by my parents because I was different so my actions are justified. Yours are not. "

"You are nothing like Hope I will admit that," he yields. "You are different in every sense of the word. Our relationship is nothing like that I had with either Ms. Jones or Hope."

"We slept together but both under and not under your control and look where we are; right where you and Hope were. I do not blame her for aborting that baby. You took advantage of her. You did rape her."

"I DID NOT FUCKING RAPE HER YOU WANKER," he shouted loud enough for his voice to echo through my chest. I stare at him waiting for him to make the next move beside yelling but he straightened his tie and walked out the door without another word.

As the door slammed shut the hollowness of the closing door resonating deep in me making my chest heave in sorrow. Did I just end my relationship or did I save myself? The small movements inside of me reminded me that I am not alone in this. I place my hands on my stomach as my heart felt like it deteriorated and lodged itself in my throat. Did he walk out on me? Did I overstep?

"Miss," the housekeeper uttered softly as she emerged from the safety of the kitchen. I looked at her through my blurred vision as I realized I said things I probably didn't mean.  "Men get angry and he will cool off and return."

"I'm not sure," I reply as I wipe my nose with the back of my hand not caring for how I may appear. "I accused him of some extreme things when I should not be one to judge."

"Every relationship has its highs and lows and if the relationship never has low points then every relationship would die since people tend to need a little bit of disorder and chaos so we can fight."

"I don't think fighting is what I'm lacking at the moment," I chided.

"One fights for the things we love most. If you and Kilgrave keep fighting then you two value and treasure one another. The time to worry is when no one fights since they don't see the worth in keeping something they are not sure they want to fight for to prove how much they care and love them," she explains calmly her warm hands resting on my shoulders reassuringly.

I stare at her despite my eyes feeling like they are on fire. She may be under his control and  influence but she has a point. We fight cause we care. His past is his past but he keeps so much from me and everything about this whole situation screams that I am a rebound for what he truly wants.  If he had that one thing he desired the most he wouldn't want nor need me or the babies. He would have everything he had ever wanted. I can see who he wants. He wants Jessica Jones.