Kilgrave's Desire

Living on a prayer

We sit side by side as I prepare to tell him about my past. I never chose to relive my past and I guess the only way to get to know him and to trust him and him to trust me is to expose my wounds. He sits silently waiting...he isn't forcing me to say anything so he must understand how painful all of this is.

"When I was eight," I begin slowly as I look down at my lap, feeling his gaze on me. "My parents thought I was crazy...I used to play outside with imaginary people and pretend that I could move things with my mind and....and change the weather at my whim. They always told me that it was not real but an eight year old likes to pretend that the inpossible is possible."

I take a slow breath as I look up at him I can see his eyes changing to a concerned look. "My father is....or was...a therapist, he subjected me to different treatments to get me to stop pretending and so he moved to shock therapy treatments on me whenever I wanted to use my imaginary powers," I whisper with a shaky chuckle since my once imaginary powers are real.

"He electrocuted an eight year old girl...his own daughter," he huffs in shock and awe his voice rings with more hurt and shock.

"It was a common method in dealing with apparent insanity unfortunately," I add sully. "Well over a month the number or treatments increased as well as the duration of each treatment...my father thought the electroshock treatment wasn't working so he resulted to some ancient treatment where he cut my skin repeatedly over and over again to let the insanity bleed out of me."

"Your mum did nothing to stop this," he asked firmly as he inched closer to me. I looked up at the ceiling as tears welled up in my eyes. I feel like I am suffocating and reliving all of this again...I can't go back into the nightmare.

"She....she was his nurse in his insotution and so she was the one who held me down and helped him do those things to me," I whisper as I look at him, not caring if he sees me cry. Tears fell like waterfalls and I can feel each burning tear streak my cheeks unlovingly. "Those treatments lasted until I was almost eleven and then one day when my parents were about to cut me for the millionth time I looked at the knife and wished it to hit the wall and it did. I watched as my parents backed away and stared at me shocked."

"So you were born gifted...they didn't induce it with chemical injections," he admonished full or surprise.

"No they were the reason it surfaced....I remember staring at them angry and I remember sitting up on that cold metal table with blood still dripping down the scars they ripped open and I used my powers to fling them into walls and I wished that the weather was harsh with cold thunderstorms to cut out the power in the building," I explain as I run my fingers through my hair as if I was reliving everything again. "I don't remember much of what I did to get out I just remember walking in the storm undetected to my house where I packed things I needed like clothes and halfway on my walk to my friend's house I was picked up by a police officer and brought into the foster care system where I bounced from,house to house because who wants a girl with unusal gifts."

"Your parents didn't report you missing?" he asked.

"They did but they never provided a picture...and when the police officer found me I said my parents were dead and I have been living in the streets," I add as I found myself sobbing uncontrolablly. There he knows how my life was screwed up.

"Your parents never realized the amazing and beautiful girl they had and they saw imagination as a curse when it leads to your creativity....they were the monsters not you....you are unique and those foster homes just couldn't see it," he explains carefully. "You are not messed up or cursed you were abused and tortured...believe me I understand more than anyone."

"You don't understand it is the reason why I cannot get close to people or trust them," I reply bitterly

"My own parents performed experiments on me and other children which is how I am what I am.....I seek to use my powers for control because they took control from me just like your parents did to you," he explained painfully. "If anyone is to understand your pain and anguish it is me."

Wait...his parents did experiements on him. I watched him through my blurred vision as he turned and showed me the scarred over marks from what appears to be needles that start at his hairline going down his spine. His parents injected him? He is this prick because of them? I watch him turn as he looks at me with a sympathetic shrug. I take a breath and stand up and carefully lift my sweatshirt slowly.

As my shirt moved up my torso and my flesh was getting exposed I watched his saddened expression change to a wide concerned look. He looked at the scars from the knife that sliced into my flesh over and over on my torso. He reached out and gently touched my scarred skin. I flinched at first because noone has ever gazed at my scars nor touched them. His warm gentle hands move from scar to scar like he was tracing each mark and counting.

I slowly drop my sweatshirt back down to block him from seeing or touching them. I watch him stand and gaze at me like im,like wounded bird. Great. I'm not only vulnerable and terrified but he sees my weakness. He reached out and touched my face his scent invading my nose as I take on his intoxicating smell.

"I thought you saw my scars last night when you changed me into that beautiful dress," I admit as I gaze at the floor.

"I didn't look because I wanted you to trust me before i even had the opportunity to gaze at your body," he whispered as he lifted my chin so I was look at him in the eye.

I watched his eyes never leave mine and all I want to do is hurt myself into his arms, into his embrace...the arms of the only other soul who truly understood my pain. I wrap my arms around his neck which must have shocked him due to the subtle jump he made at my movement. I smiled a little and in one motion I was gone. I stood in my top toes and clashed my lips against his, hard. At first he resisted probably due to the shock of what just happened but his lips softened as he embraced me and picked me up so my legs are wrapped around his waist. He cradled me and tangled his left hand in my hair as his right hand held me up by my bottom. I'm going to take what I want....and right now all I want is Kilgrave.