Luci's One Shots

~Where Lucifer almost accidentally ate God (Gabriel)

This is crack btw. The madness kind of crack

From a conversation between myself and a long time ago. I've already published this on Amino & AO3 but decided to put it here as well lol

The real reason why Gabriel left Heaven...

~~~~~~

"Gabriel, what the fuck do you think you are doing?!" Were the words that started it all.

Chuck could only gawk at what the Archangel had done. "I swear to myself, I only turned my back for a minute!" A groan slipped past his lips. He was about to be completely done with the Archangel's shenanigans.

"Ten minutes, actually," Gabriel casually corrected him. He had yet to look at the deity, too busy with the task he had at hand. "And I got bored."

"Just leave those poor fledglings alone," Chuck groaned, looking at Gabriel's 'work' in distaste. When Chuck had gone off to find Michael and Lucifer - there was something he needed the Archangels to do - Gabriel seemed to have gotten his hands on some of the fledglings and got the poor things covered in flour. "It's everywhere!"

A bored Gabriel was very dangerous. That, he knew all too well.

"But they like it!" Gabriel complained loudly, pointing towards the now-white Castiel & Balthazar who sat in the flour, the stuff even completely covering their fluffy wings.

Chuck watched how Balthazar took a fistful of the white powder and threw it up in the air as he giggled when it got on Gabriel's head. Castiel, on the other hand, seemed to be busy with drawing random patterns, failing to notice everything else that was going on around him.

"Clean them up!" Chuck ordered the youngest Archangel, momentarily wondering what was wrong him as he shook his head and turned around to leave.

Grumbling something under his breath, Gabriel went to do as he was told. But not before he bend his head so he could whisper to the fledglings, making the little angels look up wide eyed. "Hey, want to see something fun, guys?"

~~

"Be quiet, now," Gabriel whispered to the fledglings he had pretty much tied to his back. "He cannot hear us, alright?" At that, Castiel hid his face amongst Gabriel's golden feathers as Balthazar watched on wide-eyed.

Keeping a tight hold on the object he smuggled from Heaven's Arsenal, not wanting to drop it, the Archangel tiptoed on his way as he went towards where he knew God would be.

This might be one of the most stupid ideas he ever had... but the ass shouldn't have ruined his fun.

So now Gabriel has found the victim of his newest prank. He wasn't even sure if it would work - it was God after all - but he figured he could try.

Finally, Gabriel found Him. For a second, his gaze trailed the deity who was pacing around the white room he was in. He appeared to be waiting for someone, but Gabriel didn't particularly care about that. Putting the Stone of Imagination behind his back, hiding it from sight, Gabriel stepped into the light and put up a smile. "Hi dad," he said innocently.

Chuck looked up. "What do you want, Gabriel?" He asked, growing nervous from the smile the angel wore. He knew that smile. It was Gabriel's 'mischievous smile' he always wore when he pulled his pranks, or afterwards.

Gabriel shrugged. "Oh, I just came up with a new game... and you get to try it," he spoke, revealing the Stone of Imagination from behind his back. The stone and Gabriel's eyes flowed in a celestial light, God's face paled, and then he was gone.

In the place where God previously stood, was now a pile of flour. The white powder shook and before the eyes of the Archangel and fledglings came together and formed a chocolate chip cookie.

Gabriel laughed and put the stone in his pocket. He couldn't believe it worked.

"Dad!" Castiel called out in bewilderment as Balthazar laughed in amusement.

"Don't worry kiddo, he'll be fine," Gabriel spoke to the fledglings. Skipping over towards the cookie, he sat down in front of it. "I'll turn you back soon, I promise. I'm just going to take the fledglings on a quick trip to Earth, alright?"

Not waiting for his father's reply - all that came from the cookie were muffled screams and profanities - the Archangel disappeared in a flutter of wings.

Leaving 'Chuck the Cookie' behind in the grand white room.

~~

"Hey, daaadd!" Lucifer called out in annoyance, a scowl on his face as the Archangel looked for his father. "Where did that fuck head go?" He grumbled, looking around the room with narrowed eyes. His pink plumage puffing up in irritation.

God had told him that there was something he wanted him and Michael to do and that they had to come to him later. Lucifer had gotten bored with waiting so he went ahead of Michael. But now He wasn't even here!

Go figure.

Then his gaze fell on a lone chocolate chip cookie laying on the floor. Tilting his head, the Archangel went closer. "Gabriel, stop with laying your snacks around everywhere," he muttered in distaste as he picked it up between his thumb and index finger, not needing to take a second guess to conclude that it was indeed Gabriel's.

Looking around the room and noticing that he was still alone, he shrugged and moved to put the cookie in his mouth. Lucifer would never eat around others, too proud to admit he liked it, but when he was completely alone... he did not mind a bite.

But then something strange happened.

A sound came from the cookie. Almost like it was screaming in horror.

In shock, the Archangel dropped it and could only stare. He knew one thing for sure; cookies weren't supposed to talk, let along scream.

But then he recognized the voice the scream had belonged to. Mouth dropping open as far as possible, Lucifer himself screamed too.

"DAD?!"