February 29

Chapter 17

Night fell. Night nowadays had just been a greater darkness. It got a little blacker, and the stars did come up. The only change was that the small ring of sunlight that edged the dot diminished slowly as the evening progressed, until it just wasn't there anymore. It gave us hope that the sun still existed.

I couldn't sleep, even after Dean and Stacey drifted off into the abyss and it became so dark that we couldn't see the dogs anymore. I couldn't find any position comfortable enough to sleep in. It was too hot, too stuffy, too everything. My head had started to pulsate and my stomach began to churn, followed by the sensation of food creeping up my esophagus. It crossed somewhere in my mind that I could be sick, but I doubted that. Just five minutes ago I was fine.

I decided eventually that laying in a cesspool of my own sickness wasn't going to make it go away, and that maybe a walk would help me. I sat up slowly, rubbing my poor head as a did so, then stood, using the support of the tree. I stretched a little, yawned, and started towards the interstate road. It was empty by now; anyone who'd had a car had taken off within the first 12 hours of the dot, and no one with sense would want to walk here by themselves at night. I guess that made me a fool, but I couldn't find the will to think about that as I weaved my way through the bushes. My head hurt too much, I was too worried about my friends and family, and...and I dug far enough at conscious, my mind, I could feel the residue of the earlier rage I felt, the desire, need to hurt both Dean and Stacy, and anyone else who got in my way lapping tenderly at the edges of my being.

I shook my head violently and walked down the hard asphalt road, my hands on my hips. I didn't have the time to be thinking about this, and frankly, I wasn't well enough to think about it either. I glanced up at the sky and sighed. I felt horrible, stressed, lost, trapped. I felt as though someone had hurled the weight of the world at me, and now I was crushed and unable to move. I felt guilt for hurting Dean, even though I had no idea or memory of even threatening him. But most of all, I was confused. I didn't understand what was happening to us, to me. Why I suddenly needed to go to the hospital. Why every time Dean didn't agree with me, he got hurt. Why the few times I tried to argue myself out of going to the hospital were the few times I would get these major headaches. Those too. Where had the headaches come from? I'd experienced a migraine once when I was seven, but this, this was miles beyond that. This was like having meter-long rods being jammed into every square inch of your skull, like getting shot in the head repeatedly, with each bullet lodging itself behind the eyes. And they had come right after the dot had come. I saw a connection there, and I distantly wondered if any other people were having the headaches too. Maybe I wasn't the only one.

The sky was absolutely black, infinite, endless. Only a thin, gray ground border it, and the only other source of light were feeble stars that seemed insignificant now, nothing. The moon was gone. The dot stared down at me.

Go to the hospital.

The words whispered across my soul, like the gentle, soft, coaxing fingers of a seamstress. I smiled a little, laughed almost. I couldn't go to the hospital. Not when Dean was injured like that and Stacy was suspicious and I myself didn't even think it was a good idea. It was close to impossible. We needed to get somewhere safer, around lots of light. Like Dean's house. If my idea was right, it should still be sterile.

But you need to go to the hospital. You need to.

Not necessarily true. I didn't need to do anything but live through the next three weeks. By then, this whole extravaganza should be over.

What about your mother? Your sister?

I can't go there without knowing they're there first. I need to call them. Find out if they're okay. If I don't even do that, we're just walking blindly into what could be a trap.