February 29

Chapter 25

Even as much as I tried to ignore and overlook Mark's concerns about the Aura, I knew somewhere in the shattered mess of my mind that he was right. I could see it myself. In the times where I could barely stay conscious from the pain, I noticed that the Aura wasn't exactly upset about anything, not even fazed by the fact that his goals were dying right in front of him. At least he didn't seem upset. If I were the thing, I would be more than a little concerned about the fact that my plans were foiled and I would have less that a week to get everything back together. I would be doing anything to get the game back in my favour. But the Aura was the same, always laughing, mocking, arrogant. If he cared about his situation, he didn't show it.

If anything, he seemed to be enjoying himself more. Happier than usual. 

I was so stupid. I should have pieced everything together, seen that of course the Aura would be laughing. It was winning, all the time. It was eroding me, pulverizing me and filling itself into the cracks, making me something that I wasn't. And the worst part? Even if I could find some way to stop it, I eventually realized...I didn't want to stop it.

The thing had twisted me in such an intricate manner that I was against everything I knew I agreed with. Instead of hating the Aura and wanting to see it vanquished, I started to want to be part of it. I started to want to go to the hospital. To leave and be attacked, to be dragged back to its laughing, waiting jaws. I started to crave the headaches when they weren't there and live off the beautiful music of its voice. Even its condescending words to me, I thirsted for them, to hear it, to be it. Relief from any of it almost drove me crazy. I would want it so bad that I felt I would die without it. So addicted I was to my own demise, it was almost pitiful. Nothing Mark or Dean or Stacy said to me changed anything. Encouragement was nothing to my numb mind. I wanted it to end, but when mercy came and it did end, I wanted it back with everything I had in me.

The mesh of thoughts flashed across my head as I lay wide-eyed in a small room at the end of Mark's house, clothed in only a thin undershirt, breathing quickly and heavily. The room was heated, brightly lit by two nightstand lamps that bordered the large cherrywood bed that I slept on (in the rare event that I actually got sleep). For a moment, I felt intense, inhumane hatred at the lamps, barring me from the Aura. I wanted to break them, but to get up would be impossible in my state. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep, and peaches weren't too energizing.

I distantly wondered what would have happened if I decided to ignore Mark. If I waived his message as nothing more than a stupid dream. Would I still be here? Would Dean and Stacy still be alive? Or worse, would I already be gone from this world, morphed into the Aura? I had no doubt that if I'd stayed there, the Aura would've won. I would've gone outside, or maybe one of the other two, and everything would be lost from there. Knowing a little more about the situation was helping me out, and I if managed to survive the next couple of days, I would be okay. Everyone would.

Those thoughts seemed to trigger something. To my absolute pleasure, I felt a bolt of pain blast through my head. My body jerked back and I groaned, grabbing at my temple and sitting up. I could feel it. It was here, finally, to give me what my body needed most. Its muted murmurs were like smoky tendrils coiling and flickering through my mind, smelling so sweet and alluring. Like an addict I felt the unnatural ecstacy lurch in my body, euphoria flooding every pore. My heart leaped at just acknowledging its presence. Somewhere, I knew I couldn't let it get to me - just letting it speak to me was dangerous enough, and it wasn't helping that I could hear every word it said - but I didn't care. I wanted to feel its agony. I wanted to die hearing it speak to me.