February 29

Chapter 19

When the pain hits and I lose myself, I don't drift into the blackness as I usually do. Instead, I find myself floating into a sort of white oblivion, an area of pureness, blanched, with not even the tiniest speck of darkness anywhere. There seems to be no direction here, up or down. I look underneath my feet, but all I see is white. It could be a floor, or maybe I'm just floating. I have no idea where I am. I have little idea what I am. All I know is that I exist, so that means I'm not dead.

Cautiously, I take a step forward. I don't know what'll happen. I fear that I'll wake up and have to face reality again. That's something I don't really want. Though I don't really know what's up with this place, I know that at least here, I don't have that presence with me, and for once, the pain is gone.

Nothing happens. The ground doesn't shatter. I don't suddenly wake up. I take another step, with no result. And suddenly I start to run, trying to see if there is another venue here. Everything seems silent, but noise itself is induced from my mind. The sound of my own feet hitting nothing resonates in my mind, nonexistent. My breathing, mute, but subconsciously audible. I'm going nowhere. I can see that there is no forward, no back or up or down. I'm running, I'm moving, but I'm staying perfectly in place. I start to think that maybe I am dead. Maybe I'm just awaiting judgment, or God has already sentenced me. Maybe this is heaven.

"What are are you doing?"

I freeze in my tracks and look around, looking for the voice. I wonder distantly that it's the thing. Maybe it's found me. I wait for my surroundings to turn pitch black, for the laughter, the agony.

A shape blurs closer in the distance, almost as if it's foggy. I squint to get a better view.

Oh...I see a man, tall, head down, hands in pockets. He is dressed in a closed black trench coat, a white scarf, small boots. I see two ring earrings dot the top of his right ear. He approaches me, his dark green eyes boring into mine. Who's he? Is he safe? I consider running, but realize that it would be pointless. I would get nowhere.

"You," he says, standing in front of me now, looking down. "What are you doing?"

"W-what?" I stutter dumbly.

"Why are you running like that, like a squirrel?" he asks.

I don't answer. I'm too busy wondering what's happening, where I am, why this guy is here.

"Were you just trying to work out or something? I completely understand. You need to be fit."

I shake my head and gaze nervously at the ground. "I, I just wanted to see if it would do anything. Take me anywhere."

"Did it?"

"No."

"Of course not. You should know that."

I glance at him. "How would I know?"

"Haven't you been here before? You know, a couple years ago?"

"I've never been here before," I reply. "What is this place? Heaven?"

He chuckles. "Far from it. Why so glum here? Make a tree or something. A house."

"How?" I question.

"What do you mean how? You just do it. You will it to happen."

I stare at him in confusion.

"What?" he says defensively. "You know what I mean."

I look at him with a blank expression. Is he crazy or something? What's with him? I shake my head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."