Against the Tide - A New Elysium Story [Complete]

9. The Light beyond the Void

A tide of darkness had flooded her mind, black waves churning, towering, collapsing, over and over again. She was adrift, with nothing to hold on to. Caught up in a vortex, with no way of escape.

...where are you?

Somebody was calling, from far away. But whom?

She could not see, could not feel, and did not want to. But she could still hear, and that voice kept calling, over and over.

...come back to me! He cried out in desperation. Don't give in to this!

Who are you talking to? She asked. I am nobody. I am nothing. And I have nowhere to go.

That's not true! You're somebody to me.

That familiar voice sounded very close now, so close that she could almost feel him again. And she remembered what that had been like. The black sea became more restful, the forces of the tides pulling at her began to soften. She remembered that feeling now, the feeling of not being alone. But was it worth feeling the pain again, too?

...please come back to me, he pleaded.

If I'm somebody, I must have a name, she thought. Don't I?

Of course you do, Null!

And in the expanse of her mind, suddenly, there was light. Not just one, but seven - seven stars that broke through the darkness to guide her way back to a safe haven.

~ ~ ~

She woke up with a long drawn moan of pain on her lips.

These kinds of nightmares were the worst, because even the process of waking from them seemed to drag out infinitely. As she finally managed to pull herself back into reality, her heart was pounding heavily in her chest, and the sheets clung to her sweaty body.

She felt her stomach turn and jumped out of bed, making it to the bathroom just in time. Cowering on the cold floor next to the toilet, shivering violently, she wished she could be in the darkness again, nothing but a shadow contained inside a shell, oblivious to its pain.

Don't think like that, Lars voice spoke softly inside her mind.

She could feel him carefully taking over a part of the body to share her pain and ease the burden. It was very different from their usual symbiosis. This time, it was almost like invisible hands were helping her up, to rest back against the wall behind them. They sat there for a while in silence, before they felt strong enough to get up and back to bed.

Above them, the skylight of the captain's cabin of the Blackstar provided a panorama of the cosmos, but her gaze went past it, far beyond anything that human eyes were capable of seeing.

I was worried, he whispered, that you wouldn't come back from that dark place...

His voice was soft and soothing, and he seemed to wrap himself around her mind like a blanket. The dark tide inside of her was gone now. All that remained were fog-like shadows that shifted and whirled, but they receded further with every word he spoke.

I tried to pull you out of that nightmare, but...

You were there? she asked.

Yes. But I could only watch... I tried to call you but you didn't seem to hear me... Oh Null, I'm so sorry.

You are sorry? she asked, surprised. I'm the one who just put us through that. My memories suck.

No, he concurred. I'm the one who put you through this. Through everything. Three hundred seventy-one times. All that happened in these past months... I kept trying to convince myself that I was giving you a choice, that I was just helping you to do what you wanted, but...