Beautiful Images ::VHope::

Storms

It's September 26th. I hold TaeHyung tightly, pulling him against my chest. I hold his arms down as he cries. He screams, his agony worn on his face as he struggles to breathe through tears. He pushes against me, telling me to let him go. Telling me that he wants JiMin. I don't let him go, however. I keep him held tight and refuse to believe his cries wanting to end it.

TaeHyung's eyes are dark, glazed with a sadness I can't even imagine. It hurts to see him like this, but in all honesty, how else is he supposed to react? This is the anniversary of the worst day of his life; the reminder of what he used to have and be. He mumbles sinister things. Whispering his hate, his anger.

It hurt me deep inside, but I decide I have to be strong. I decide that I will never let him go through this alone. I can't even imagine what it was like for the last five years, to suffer through this day all alone. To want to die so badly, to want all of his pain to stop. I pull him closer, holding his head as he cries into my neck. Holding him together because he's so fragile.

"I-I-I want Ji-JiMin!" He sobs, his fingers clawing into my side. His body shakes with such violence, it's hard to hold him. It's harsh and painful, similar to his seizures. If it wasn't for him talking, I could believe he was having one.

"It's okay, honey. I know. I know." I repeat softly, my lips brushing against his hair. His breathing slowly evens out, and gentle snores alert me he has fallen asleep. He feels small in my arms, small and beautiful. I protect him, becoming a glass box around a rare flower. Rain hits me but I keep the flower dry.

His sleep is peaceful. His hair covering his face. It's starting to get a bit long, but it's great to run your fingers through. So I do, I run my fingers through his hair and sing to him, keeping the rain from him.

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TaeHyung woke up emotionless. His eyes dead to feelings. I greeted him with lunch, and he ate silently. Minutes pass, but slowly, he comes out of his shell more and more. He still doesn't smile, but his sadness seems to fade out.

"I'm not a good cook, obviously." I joke as he scrapes the rest of his food into the garbage can. He looks over his shoulder at me, wobbling just a bit. He drops his plate into the sink. TaeHyung holds onto the counter, blinking harshly. I watch him carefully.  He shakes his head, pinching his nose.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah-Yeah." He nods. He sways slightly where he stands. I know that he's acting different than when a seizure is about to come, but I can't figure out what it is. He turns around, his eyes closed. "So-so bright." He mumbles. I quickly turn off the kitchen light, and he sighs in relief. I watch him try to walk, only to stumble back against the refrigerator. He tries again, his legs wobbling in an unsuccessful attempt.

"TaeHyung, what's wrong?" I ask, standing up. He mumbles some words that can't be made out. He looks up at me, his eyes drifting. A sharp chill crawls up my spine. Something is wrong. Very, very wrong. My mind races with explanations to his behavior. Overdose, seizure, I don't know. I stay cemented to floor, watching my boyfriend fall apart in front of me, and unable to figure out a solution. He wobbles again, beginning to fall sideways. I snap back into my own body, quickly reaching out to grab him, falling with him as he crashes to the ground. I scream as he hits the floor in a full seizure. One with an intensity I have never seen. His entire body contorts, painfully ripping at his muscles and his mind.

His head cracks against the tile flooring a total of five times before I finally get my hand under him. His back arches painfully, his right arm stretching out. His legs bend, his body shaking at an absurd pace. He sounds like he's choking, no air coming into his lungs.