Beautiful Images ::VHope::

Miles Apart

:::The Truth Untold by 방탄소년단:::

I stare at my hand print in the wall, unable to move when my alarm reminds me to go to work. I stay where I am, waiting for HoSeok to return. I wait for a call, a text. Nothing. My hands shake against my thighs, unable to take the urgent feeling in my chest.

My legs take me to the fridge, opening a left over bottle of wine from the dinner. A faint voice reminds me that I am still on my epilepsy medication, and that I shouldn't drink with it. But another voice tells me that I doesn't matter anyway. HoSeok hates you.

I laugh. It's forced and fake, an uncontrolled reaction to the feeling of my heart breaking again. Another loss. This time, however, there was a million things I could have done differently. Losing HoSeok is different than when I lost JiMin. Losing JiMin I obsessed over one thing I should have done differently. I shouldn't have stopped to kiss him. But HoSeok? I remember every yell, I choked him. I can think of a hundred ways I let him down.

I lift the bottle, downing a third of the wine before stopping. It dawns on me that I feel something different with HoSeok than I did JiMin. I barely lived after JiMin. I survived by luck, and a very small trace of hope left over in me. But if I lose HoSeok, I know one thing for sure. I won't survive.

I drink a little more, and ten minutes later the buzz starts to kick in. I stare at the door, kneeling on the kitchen floor. Half an hour passes, and my drunken mind can't take it anymore. I grab my phone, and call NamJoon. He'll tell me if HoSeok hates me or not. The phone rings slowly, and on the fourth ring I hear NamJoon.

"NamJoon, please tell him I didn't mean it." I beg, my voice cracks. My words are slightly slurred together. I didn't remember to introduce myself, or say hello. I spoke too fast, with too little context.

"TaeHyung? Are you drunk?" He questions. I nod before remembering he can't hear me nod.

"Yes. Tell him that I'm sorry. I wasn't going to hurt him. I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't mean it, but he's still worked up." His voice sounds hushed, and I wonder if HoSeok is sleeping near him. "You really shouldn't be drink-."

"I wouldn't hurt him, he knows that right?"

"You just need to fix your temper. You choked him a few months ago, remember? You scared him, TaeHyung. He just needs time."

"How has he been? Has he been okay? You have to tell me if he's-."

"He's okay." NamJoon sighs, a few silent minutes pass before he speaks again. "Has he been having more nightmares with you lately? He's had them every time he sleeps over here. I have to wake him up and remind him YoonGi isn't here anymore."

"He did have one the night before the party. Do you think-?" I trail off, beginning to feel a little more sober at the idea of YoonGi hurting HoSeok again.

"He wouldn't be able to get near him. Would he?"

"No, he isn't even in the city last I heard. I think he went back to Korea." I groan in realization. "I haven't been checking his medication."

"I wasn't thinking about it either, it never dawned on me he should have it while he's here. I've been too busy making him not cry."

I walk to the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet. I dig around my medications, coming across HoSeok's. I lift it, hearing the distinct rattling of a full bottle. I frown. He hasn't needed a refill since school started.

"NamJoon, he hasn't been taking his pills." I tell him. He curses.

"I always tell him he needs to take them, and he won't feel like this. It helps make the pain stop while he heals himself. He doesn't listen."