Jahseh and I were out shopping for baby clothes since I was 5 months pregnant. We stopped by several different stores to buy tons of clothes for a baby that wasn't even here yet. Not to mention that we don't know what the gender is yet. I think it's a girl and Jahseh think it's a boy. I bought girl clothes and he bought the opposite. I asked him what if the gender is the opposite of what we want it to be and we've bought all these those. He told me that I didn't need to worry because he was looking forward to having more children.
"More children?" I sat across from him at the coffee shop. "I think one is okay for now. I'm only 20."
"What's wrong with having more? You're not too young or too old so what's the problem?"
"The problem is pushing out the baby. Do you know the pain women go through while giving birth?" I became annoyed. I guess my hormones were all over the place.
"Just have a c-section" he rolled his eyes.
"Jahseh, it doesn't work like that. You can't just decide to have a c-section because you don't want to push the baby out. Plus, if I do have a c-section, it'll take long for me to heel."
"Lauren, this has been my dream for the longest."
"What has?" I became confused.
"Having a big family with the love of my life. Having a huge house while the children are out back playing in the backyard. It's something I've dreamt of as a kid." I smiled at Jahseh's dream. But he was going to have to understand that having kids wasn't easy.
"Well we are no where near that yet. And marriage........" I said with a nervously.
Jahseh looked up at me with heated eyes "What about marriage? What, are you saying that you don't want to marry me?"
"I never said that. It's just that mentioning marriage is a little too early."
"You love me don't you?"
I looked at him as frustration started to build up "Jahseh, what kind of question is that?"
"The same damn kind I just asked. Do you love me or not?"
"You know I love you! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But marriage? I'm still young."
"So if I was to pull out a ring right now and ask you to be my wife, what would be your answer?" I could look into his pretty brown eyes and see them fill up with anger.
"Really? Are you really making me do this?"
"Hell yea! I want to know if you would have said yes or no."
Being pregnant wasn't easy. You have a lot of emotions run through you so quick that you begin to cry at even the smaller things. And right now, I was on the urge of doing it.
"I would have said no Jahseh. Not because I don't love you because I do. But because we are both young and haven't gotten life figured out yet. You don't have a job anymore and I'm working on my own right now so maybe we need to take this marriage thing a little slower. This doesn't mean I don't want to marry you at all in the future because lord knows I do. We have to make sure we are in the right position to do all of that. Do you know how many couples get married at a young age and then split up? Jahseh when I marry you, I wanna stay with you for the rest of my life. I want to know that we are going to make it." I put my hand on his.
Jahseh's body language told me that he was beginning to calm down and I figured he understood where I was coming from. He became relaxed but still a little pissed.
**********
Later on that day, Jahseh and I laid in bed. I had put on some pink NIKE shorts and a white crop top. We weren't expecting anyone to come by so I decided to dress comfortably. Meanwhile, the only thing Jahseh had on were drawers. I was laying on my side while he laid up against my back with his arm around me. I kept feeling his bulge up against my behind signaling me that he wanted to have sex but I didn't want the baby to get hurt. The doctor said that it was okay and that the baby wouldn't be harmed but of course I was paranoid and just wanted to be on the safe side.
