My Healing; My Pain

1.1

today i feel tired

i feel the weight of living resting heavily on my bones

my mind calls for the sweet release of sleep, but He awaits me there

i don't remember Him in the morning 

i know He is there in the bags of my eyes and fog of my brain 

sleeping is both my escape and burden 

i drink coffee 

i know it makes my anxiety worse, but i can't fall asleep in french 

that makes my anxiety even worse 

coffee is both my crutch and torment 

my friend texts me excited to see me this weekend 

she knows about Him and she knows about those four ugly letters 

so why am i worried she will see that broken side of me

she is both my solace and harsh truth 

my mother asked me why i sent her a text thanking her for all she's done for me 

i tell her i was feeling thankful that day

i really just hated myself so much i apologised 

i'm sorry i lied but i didn't want to depress you too