PopPiNG PilLS... / SHYLAND

ReD </3

i held the first pill in my hand, staring at it, contimplating weather i was actually gunna do this. maybe this wasnt a good idea.

as it fell back in the container the noise of it hitting the others that would of been barely audible to most echoed through the room, it brought my mind back to when he came back drunk and i had to go out and get pain killers for him, he had told me about all the fun he had had at a party while i stayed at home waiting for him to arrive for our date that we were supposed to leave for hours ago, i felt tears stream down my face as i attempted to help him but he resited and told me 'he was okay' and that 'he didnt need medicine', after trying to get him to take the stupid tablets he finnaly took them and i sighed as i felt another tear slip out of my eye, i didnt exactly know why i was crying so when he asked me 'why are you crying' i froze as i sat on the couch my head resting in my palms. he pulled me into his lap -.

my flashback stopped as i thought about him comforting me as i now wished he would, i wished he was here to stop this from happening, but he isnt its his fault for being so stupid and leaving. maybe i could just move on, forget about him, i mean i had lasted a month without him maybe i could last for the rest of my life. but oh that month was hell, he left and never came back, the last thing he told me was 'ryland ill be fine on my own!' the scentence once again echoed through out the empty room that was once shane and i's, but now just an empty space surrounded by 4 walls, i had moved all the furniture out the first week he left, i couldnt bare looking at the place we once slept, i didnt want to sleep in that same bed alone and without him.;

shane would be so diassapointed in me for it i remember a conversation we had about it before; 'ryland, you can never take those pills, they might make you feel better but as soon as the first one wears off youll need the second and then the third and once theyre all gone youll still need them but you wont have anymore, they drive people insane ryland promise me you wont' i promised him this, but he was gone now i didnt need to keep it. i threw my head back while placing the pill at the back of my throught and swallowing it with some water.

i didnt feel anything at first, but after a few minutes i found myself feeling the sadness and dispaire trickle away, but i didnt feel happy just blank, emotionless. but it felt so good to be away from my thoughts and just empty, i lay against the carpet and breathed in relaxed breathes as i re-lived happy moments that we shared, all the bad ones now filtered out by the strong drug that was releasing itself into my system.