damaged || lil peep

"We can fall apart, start over again"

Luna :(:

I haven't been thinking about anyone or anything. All I want is xans, they numb me. Then e, brings me up.

I feel free, and I'm happy.

I sat up on the naked mattress on the floor

Where the fuck am I?

What day is it?

I'm hungry.

I look down at my grey tank top and it has stains all over it. Gross. My head fucking hurts, I can feel my heart beat in my temples.

I got up and grabbed everything I owned. I don't even want to know who's here with me.

"Arzaylea?" I yell out

Nothing.

I rushed out to of the trailer I was in to see if I can remember anything.

I can't.

I try to turn my phone on but it's dead. Just like how I feel.

I walk until I see anything familiar, finally I see the coffee shop. Emilia. I need more xans, I can't deal with being sober.

I look down, and I'm not wearing shoes.

Great Luna.

I finally make it to my house.

"Hello?"

"Luna! Where the fuck have you been? I've been so fucking worried. No calls or texts. What the fuck is the matter with you? You look like shit and reek of alcohol."

"Mommy" I say with the most broken voice

She pulls me into a hug

-

It feels amazing to be clean again. I searched around in my underwear drawer and pulled out a baggy and smiled.

I popped the pill in my mouth

"Luna!" my mom yells

I walked downstairs taking my time. This pill needs to hurry up because I feel a wave of sadness coming. I don't want to cry.

"Luna." I look up and there's gus. He said my name with a broken voice.

"Gus" I smiled and wrap my arms around him

"Missed you" I said in his neck, he just wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to find you."

"I was with Arzaylea at the club." It hasn't been that long.

"You went to the club with her on Tuesday. It's Sunday." He said grabbing my cheeks with the saddest eyes.

I pushed his hands away, "don't look at me like that"

"Luna, your fucking pupils are huge. Did you take something recently?"

"Don't worry about it" I said going up to my room.

"Luna!" He said following me.

I grabbed the baggy and hid it before he saw me and sat on the bed.

"Please, I don't what to see you like this. It hurts me."

"Arzaylea wouldn't leave me." I said trying to think back to that day. I couldn't sit anymore so I started pacing

"Arzaylea cares only about herself."

"I missed you" I said trying to change the subject. I know she cares about me.

- Gus :):

"I missed you more, you have no idea what kind of thoughts I've had when I couldn't find you. I thought you were dead. Then your mom told me about Emilia." I grabbed her and wrapped her in my arms. "I'm sorry babygirl" I moved her hair and kissed her forehead

she pushed me away

"you left me, all alone that morning then fucking posted a picture with arzaylea and captioned it love of my life. you didn't talk to me for days so don't act like you care" she said her eyes glossing over

"i'm sorry i don't know what i was thinking, i do care luna so so much."

"please" i said pulling her towards me

She climbed on top of me and straddled my lap, I grabbed her hips as she started grinding down on me. Her lips found my neck sucking almost every inch she could reach.

"Fuck" I moan

This isn't Luna. This is the Xanax. 

I push her off so shes next to me

"Guus" She whined trying to climb back on top of me.

"Baby no you're messed up right now."

"No I'm not, I'm fine." She said as she swaying back and forth ever so slightly.

"Come here" pulling her towards me

We laid there in silence, her arms and legs wrapping around me. Holding on to me as if I'm going to leave any second. And honestly I was holding her for the same reason.

"Please help me" She says in the softest voice