The Art of Breaking (Finished)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

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Past

It was already eleven in the evening when I was already done with my evening law school classes. I sighed as I made my way out from our classroom. Ito talaga kasi ang ayaw ko sa tuwing may klase ako sa gabi, ang magcommute. Pahirapan kasi ang magcommute kapag late na sa gabi.

Naglalakad na ako papalabas ng university. When I'm finally out from the campus, my feet stopped the moment I saw a familiar Range Rover car. Of course, it was his car. Halos isang taon na rin ang lumipas magmula 'nung magkahiwalay kami - but yet, almost every day, he's still here, following me, still begging to come back to him.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi pa rin siya napapagod. Hindi ba siya nagsasawa sa kakahabol sa 'kin? Hindi ba siya napapagod na mahalin pa rin ako?

Matagal ng kaming wala. Ayoko ng mahalin pa siya. Ayoko ng makaramdam ng awa. Gusto kong mawala na ang nararamdaman niya para sa 'kin. I want him to move on.

I want him to let me go as I fixed my insecurities before I'll ruin everything in him.

I chose to ignore and started to walk in different direction. Pero napatigil naman ulit ako nang makita ko siyang nakatayo na parang bang hinihintay ako. Just like the old times. Just like what would my Arran do.

"Miranda." He called my name. He was looking at me with so much pain. He was still hurting so much and longing that I would come back to him.

"Stop it already, Arran. Malapit ng mag-iisang taon. Matagal na tayong wala. Don't chase me anymore." I told him coldly as I tried to avoid my gaze to him. Yes, almost a year has already passed and I'm still a miserable person. Next month ay gragraduate na ako sa law school then I'll immediately take the bar exam.

"I'm leaving."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nakaramdam ng takot sa mga salita niyang iyon.

"I'll be going to Australia. I might live there permanently from now on."

I was still quiet. Nakayuko pa rin ako.

Huminga naman ito ng malalim then he chuckled. But it was bitter and sad, "It's making me crazy every day, Miranda. I want you. I love you. I'm always chasing you, hoping you would come back. Hoping you would love me back again. And it's killing me because no matter what I would do, you'll never ever going back to me."

I gulped. I could already feel my eyes brimming with tears. Somehow, it's my fault. My own fault that I succumbed into my insecurites that made me a fucked-up person... but I just can't be with him. Ayokong ipagpatuloy kung ano man ang meron kami kung magulo pa rin ang buhay ko ngayon.

I love him... but loving him isn't just enough for me to be happy with my own life.

"I love you so much, Miranda. I don't know but I'm sure that I always will. It's just that... I'm tired of hurting."

"Do you still love me, Miranda?" There was a glint of hope in his voice. Hoping again that I would finally save him with this dysfunctional love of ours.