My Own Purgatory(NatePat)

Chapter 14: Disappointed

Matt's pov

Sitting here, watching Nate's sleeping form, im torn between emotions of anger, shame, and self hatred. Im furious at Nate for doing such a thing... Im disappointed, but not only at Nate, but towards myself as well. I should have checked on him sooner. I should have been here for him. I should've expected something like this and prepared for it. But instead, I was oblivious, until it was almost too late.

He could have died. I bandaged him up, using a YouTube tutorial and Nate's medicine cabinet, but if I hadn't have come when I did, he would have bled out.

Why did he do it? I knew I could never be good enough...

I let my mind continue it's wandering for a good while, before leaving to fix us both coffee. When he finally comes to, im sure he'll want some, though i may have to heat it up by then.

After fixing the steaming drinks, I head back to the room. Before opening the door, I hear a groan. He's awake. Being overcome with anxiety, I pause, thinking about how he nearly died. He tried to alit his wrists and die. That was unforgivable. No one deserves to die.

I walk in to him lying on his side, pretending to sleep, but I know that a person's breathing slows down significantly when they are asleep.

"I know you're not sleeping, Nathan. You're breathing is quicker than that of an unconscious person."

Nate's pov

Crap. Matthew.

Ive never heard him like this, before. His voice sounds cold, emotionless... Why is that?

"Morning?" I say, questioning whether or not I should say anything at all.

"Why?" I just barely hear his voice, but the question was unmistakable. Still, I ask, "What?"

"Why'd you do it?" he asks, just a tad louder than before. Ashamed, I simply stare at the ground.

"WHY!?" Matthew yells, startling me.

"Uhm, uh..."

"Forget it. Get well soon." and he just left. I try to follow him, but i u go light-headed, and fall back on the bed. By the time the dizzy spell passes.

This is all my fault. He thinks I tried to kill myself. And now he hates me. Maybe this is how its supposed to be...But thats not how i want things to be. Ill try to fix it when Im a bit better.

Matt's pov

I miss him. It only happened yesterday, but I miss him so bad. But I know now that I cant give him the help it needs... and its destroying me.

Sitting on my roof again, I check my watch. 2:02 am... I should go to bed, but i couldn't sleep, even if i tried.

I lay back and watch the stars, lost in my own hellish thoughts. I fully blame myself for yesterday's events, if I had only tried harder to help him...

Laying there for what seems like forever, I don't notice the shadowy figure coming through my window until...

"Hey... Matt?"

"Ahh!"

"I-Im sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" I glare at the shorter boy, refusing to respond.

"I just wanted to explai-"

I cut him off, "No. Don't bother."

"Matt," the sterness in his voice surprises me, "I don't blame you if you don't forgive me, or don't accept my explanation, but you are going to hear it. Got it?"

I simply nod. "O-okay," he starts, "so I didn't intend on killing my self, honestly. I was just... cutting. It can make me feel better, but I messed up. The knife slipped, cutting deeper and ripping the skin. I didn't mean to do that. I promise that's what happened. I know that's a lame excuse, but-" I cut him off with a hug. I believed him, he was a bit clumsy after all.

"W-what? You're not still mad?" he asks.

"Oh no, im furious. Never hurt yourself like that again, or so help me god, Ill kill you."

A/N
I think I couldve done this chapter first, but i dont know. Im also wondering if im rushing the plot a little too much. I want to know, do you all prefer the fluffy chapters, or the sad ones?