Drowning in guilt

Chapter 7

Lucy POV

I couldn't sleep, even though I was really tired. It scared me too much. Mira had already brought me something to eat and fed me. At some point I felt like vomiting. 'I feel terrible.' I looked out of the window, guessing it must've been around 12 a.m.. So it was still pretty early. The others didn't come back so it was silent again. I stared at the ceiling, then at the wall and then back outside just to stare at the ceiling again. It was so frustrating! I couldn't even move my arms or fingers to scratch my nose! I let out a frustrated groan. Well... I deserved this, didn't I?
I slightly tilted my head and looked at my body. Just now I realized that my arms weren't covered anymore. 'Since when...?' I asked myself. Was it like this since I came here? So everybody could see it the whole time?! I looked at my in scars covered arms. Because of me being unconscious for a bit over a month my injurys had time to heal, turning into new pinkish scars. I thought they were beautiful. But aside from them you could still see how skinny I was. Barely any muscle or fat. Only skin and bones. It looked surreal. How was I still alive looking like this? In a book I've read once stood that if a body looked like... That... Even the muscle around the heart would decrease and because of that there was a high possibility for an heart attack. (I've read this once in another fanfiction, so yeah. Thought I'll just put it in here.) If I could I would've shuddered right now.

Being alone sucked. I was left alone with my thoughts. I always thought back and wondered where is all had gone wrong. Once again I replayed everything that happened it my head.
'I'm the worst. She would've been better off being somebody else's key. Maybe it's better for everybody. I think... They would be better off with Yukino... I'm not worth it. I'm causing everybody too much trouble. Maybe I should've died back then. Either when Jackal attacked me or when I drowned.' I thought while biting my lip hard, causing it to bleed. I had the urge to cut or burn myself. Just to do something that hurts me so these thoughts would go away. At least for a moment. It made me feel like I could breath again. It took my pain away, making me feel alive and better again.
I bit down harder, drawing more blood. The pain calmed down my mind, so I kept focusing on it. It wasn't like I could've done anything else. After a few minutes the pain was gone and I licked up the blood I could reach with my tongue. The taste of iron making my stomach turn again.
That day nobody visited me, except for Mira who would sometimes being me food and something to drink, but I always almost vomited. Well.... I did vomit while eating dinner. So the white haired take over mage cleaned me and the bed up. She gave me a worried look and asked if I was okay. I just nodded and gave her a fake smile, reassuring her that I was fine.
Once I was alone I stared back at the ceiling and was lost in thoughts again. Nothing unusual, but it was dangerous.
Again I thought about where everything went wrong. I thought back to when my mother was still alive. Just then I realized that it already started back then, after her death. I inherited all her keys. And my... Father. Back then he already called me a murderer, saying it was my fault she died. Oh how right he was. I really deserved the beatings he gave me on a regular basis. Ever since I came to Fairy Tail I locked away the memories in the  back of my mind. Up until now. Everything that happened came rushing back making me relive it. Tears rolled down my face and my breathing became heavier. I struggled to breathe while panicking. My mind snapped back into reality.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. My vision blurred, slowly becoming dark. With the last bit of strength I had left in my body it tried to do at least... Something. But it just caused me falling off the bed while I threw off the things that once layed on the nightstand. The last thing I heard was shattering glas and the door opening a few seconds later. Then I slipped into unconsciousness.

Laxus POV

In sat on a table and talked to Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow. Just then I saw Mira coming out of the infirmary with a worried look on her face. I stood up and waited towards her. Has something happened? Once I stood before her she looked up to me. "Did something happen?" I asked. She sighed, looking back at the door she just came out of. "Lucy... She... She really needs to eat. But every time she does she seems like she's feeling worse. Just now she vomited after just eating a few bites."
What she said made me frown.
"Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but... The first time I visited her today she had bloodstains on her chin and lip. I think she bit her lip so hard she bled. Intentionally." She confessed while tears formed in the corner of her eyes.
'What?!' now I was mad. But also concerned. Still mostly mad, but not at her but myself. I didn't visit her the whole day thinking she needed time for herself. F*cking mistake.
Just now i heard glass shatter and a thump. It came from the infirmary. Instantly I sprinted to the door, throwing it open. On the floor laid a bleeding Lucy. "Oi blonde!!" I ran towards her, scooping her up and laying her back down on the bed. How the heck did she even land on the floor?! Mira came in and gasped. "I'll go and get Wendy!" She said before running out to find the little girl. There were a few shards stuck in her upper torso and arms. I looked back at the floor and saw a broken vase that one stood on her nightstand. "Oh Mavis, what did you do Blonde?" I sighed. Just then Wendy came running in who ordered me to wait outside while treating Lucy. Outside the door stood the rest of a guys with a worried look on their faces. 'I should probably tell them what happened.' while walking outside I told them to follow me if they wanted to know what happened, so we sat down at a table in a corner of the guild. Just as I wanted to start talking I was already being interrupted. "what happened?" Beside the table stood Erza, Levy and Juvia, the red-head being the one who asked. "I just wanted to tell them but you interrupted me." I sighed again, which I did pretty often the past few days. "Blonde isn't really getting better. She threw up her food after eating just a few bites and a few minutes she had a little accident. She somehow fell of the bed while throwing the vase off the nightstand. And well... She landed in the shards." I explained. "What?!" They all yelled with a shocked look.
"How come you were the first one being there after it happened?" Natsu growled, obviously annoyed that he didn't knew anything about what happened before anybody else.
"Mira and I stood outside the door and talked while it happened."
The fire dragon slayer just tsk'd and walked away, Happy flying behind him.
"Natsuu where are you going?" The small blue exceed asked, but received no answer while they walked outside.
"What's up with that fire brain?" Gray sighed annoyed.
"He's probably just really worried about Lucy. I mean they were really close friends from the beginning." Erza answered.
After we talked a bit more everybody went their own way again.
I just went back to the rest of the Raijinshū because our table was the nearest to the infirmary, so I would be the first one to be there for Lucy when Wendy was done with her treatment.

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An update! Woohoo!
I just like drama waaaay to much.
But I already know which new character shows up next and how and why! Even though it'll need a few chapters for it to happen :3