Ethan Freaking Dolan

A New Beginning... Again

Ayo couple of things to say before this chapter... this chapter will contain a very sensitive topic... I am not joking or making fun of suicide and depression in any, way, shape, or form. This chapter could be a little triggering so therefore you have been warned. If any of you are feeling down or like you can't make it, I am always here. My dms and everything are always open. If you guys are ever feeling suicidal please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They can really help. Okay, carry on with the book. Love you guys💕

I woke up to my mom stroking my head. I sniffled back the remaining sobs that were left from last night.

"Baby what's wrong? Why are your eyes red and why is your hand all bloody and scabed?" My mom asks as concern hits her face and she strokes my brusied and bloody hand.

I wince at the pain from the contact and sit up in my bed. The tears make their way to my eyes again and I begin to sob uncontrollably.

"Me and Ethan broke up." I cry as I set my head onto my moms shoulder.

"Oh baby." My mom sighs as he strokes my head.

"Mom I can't go to school today. I just can't." I cry as my mom tries to calm me down.

"Okay baby okay." My mom hushes me as I sob.

After fifteen minutes my mom finally calmed me down and got ready for work.

She soon left and it was just me. I had nothing to do but think, and thinking is the last thing I want to do at the moment.

Out of no where a rush of sadness ran over me and I couldn't stop crying.

I feel like I can no longer go on and that I can't live anymore.

"Papa, Tia, you told me nothing bad was gonna happen anymore!" I yell as I cry uncontrollably.

I sat on my bed crying and screaming while trying to decide if I should go on any longer.

I clean myself up a little bit while I calm down and go down to the kitchen. I grab a knife from my drawer and go back up to my room.

I put on a pair of shorts and one of Ethan's hoodies that he left here.

The smell almost made me break down.

I turned on the water in the bath tub and let it run. Once it is high enough to cover my chest I turn the water off.

I go over to my vanity and go into my binder for a piece of paper. I rip one out of my notebook and head over to my bathroom.

I place the knife by the tub and begin to write my suicide note.

I know this is not what you wanted me to do but I had to. I felt as if I could no longer go on with life. There is no reason for me to live anymore. I'm sorry for the pain I'm putting you through, but I could not go any longer with my pain. I will be watching over you guys and making sure you're okay.

To my mom, I know you've already lost so much and now you've lost me and I'm so sorry for putting you through this. But just know I am happier now. My pain is now gone. I love you so much and I will see you again some day. I love you mom.