*Loving Melody *

* Loving Melody (9)*

Christopher

This isn't fair.

I was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and just stared at Melody who was holding her grandmother's hand while resting her head on the side of the bed. Her eyes were swollen and red from all the crying, and her hair was pulled into a messy bun. Her grandmother lasted more than the doctors thought she would, proving that she's a fighter. Now we are just waiting for her to get through the next 24 hours until the surgery. This is gonna be agonizing for both Melody and Melanie.

Melanie slept at my house yesterday since it was agreed that this isn't a suitable place for her to sleep. She shouldn't go through all of this. You could tell she didn't get any sleep since we got here last night and this made me furious with myself. I could have made this easier for her, this whole process she went through. Ten times. She took her grandmother to the hospital alone ten f*cking times, and if she was remotely as scared as she was now she I failed to support her, I'd understand if she never spoke to me again after this.

The guilt was eating me alive as I thought of how ridiculous my behavior was. All I did was disappoint her and her sister while they struggled to get through one of the most difficult times of their lives, making myself suffer in the process as well. I was desperate to reach out and feel the touch of her skin, to caress her cheek while she slept so peacefully. It was absurd that even at a time like this she looked mesmerizing, making me re-think the way I handled things.

The doctor came in a few minutes later, so I got up and put my hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes in confusion and looked up at the doctor, seeming to immediately focus. He didn't give us any good news. The little bit of hope she had just faded away as she just nodded and looked up at me.

She was staring at me now, her eyes both sad and somewhat regretful. There was no trace of her beautiful smile that would light up her face. I looked back, and she semeed lost. I can't even begin to imagine the things she must have went through on her own when I wasn't around. She was so reliant on me that it was agonizing to know that I was the reason it has been so hard on her. She shook her head then looked back at her grandmother, kissing her hand and laying her head at the side of the bed.

I took her hand in mine and gestured for her to come with me. She looked at her grandmother and shook her head, her bottom lip trembling as she willed herself not to cry. I tugged at her hand, "let's get some fresh air, just for a few minutes." She took a deep breath and nodded, getting up and wiping the tears away.

I hoped she wouldn't, but as soon as she realized her hand was still in mine her eyes widened, and she let go pretty quickly. We walked to the cafeteria, sitting at a table by the window. She was looking out the window as I ordered twp cups of coffee and sat on the chair in front of her.

Her eyes showed how tired she was, but when she saw two kids playing outside I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. She looked so innocent. She always looked innocent to me. Ever since I met her, I always thought she was the one person in my life who seems far away from the corrupted world out there, the only person with good intentions, and the only one who never lied to me. 

"Mel?" I reached out to grab her hand but she flinched away. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel lost." She looked down at her entwined hands, and then looked up at me, giving me her full attention. That's another thing I loved about her. When I'm talking to her she would be so into what I have to say that I feel special. "I feel..alone." I can tell she forced herself to say it, and it broke me. I did this, I made her feel all alone at a time like this. And now when I'm actually with her, it's not helping her, or she just doesn't care anymore.